Watch Me Remember
by Curiosity Killed Kristy
Summary: "Who are you?" Anger. Sadness. Betrayal. Confusion. Regret. Who are you right now, Ichigo? Do I know you? Or do you just not know me? I was shaking. My breaths were coming short. "G-Grimm… jow?" He sounded like a child. Trying to sound my name out like that. "I-I'm sorry… I don't… remember anything..."
1. Chapter 1: Waiting

**Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama**

**Author's Note: This just came at the top of my head. I'll try to make this as less like**_**The Vow**_**as possible :O Please enjoy :)**

**Thank Woo to Recklessly Impulsive! I took his advice 8D**

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own Bleach ^o^**

**Warnings: Yaoi, sexual content, profanity, possible OOC-ness, and probable violence. **

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 1: Waiting]**

* * *

"I'm tired of this…"

It was funny.

At some point, I began to think I was tired of it too. The funny part was that I didn't know what I was tired of.

"Why do you always have to promise me and break it?"

God. His face was pissing me off. I hated it when he cried. It just felt wrong looking at him; looked so pathetic. So vulnerable. _So easy to fucking break._

"I sometimes wonder if you're even listening to a word I say, Grimmjow."

He was wiping his tears now. I didn't want to witness this. Didn't want to see this at all. He was angry now. Wasn't sad. Not bawling his eyes out anymore. I do wonder sometimes how he changed attitudes so quickly.

"I'm… I've had enough of this, Grimm…"

_Are you tired of me?_

"I don't want this anymore…"

_Or are you tired of what I do?_

He ran fingers through his hair. Gripped it tight just to hold on to something.

_Would it matter if I said I would change?_

"Grimmjow, I…"

_No. Because that would be another promise I'd break._

"I want to finish college… maybe even help at my dad's clinic. I wanna make somethin' outta myself. But…"

_Just not with me there with you…_

I heard the door click back into place. I heard his footsteps. I heard his hiccup.

"Ichigo…"

_But I sure as hell wished I didn't hear myself._

**XXXX**

It was fucking loud. I couldn't stay there for one more minute.

The scent of alcohol was heavy; mingling bodies crushing me against the exit. All these fuckin' whores whoring themselves around… _Filthy._

I wonder, though. If I kept walking this street, where would it lead me?

_Shit._The fucking ground was so uneven. It was like the constructors of this street were drunk.

_Or maybe it was because I was drunk…_

"Fuckin' Ichigo…" I mumbled, lifting the beer to my lips. _Damn, I couldn't even taste it anymore._ "He's such a pussy… Leavin' like that…"

My lips were chapped; no matter how many times I licked them, they always dried. _And my knees…_they felt like lead. Like I was running for miles and miles, and still walking to finish another mile.

_Fuck. The shadows._I held my forehead. Knew that an impending headache was coming.

_All these motherfucking shadows._

They were looming about. Under street lamps, against spray-painted walls, plastered on poles, bouncing off of windows, slithering on the sidewalks. It was sickening. So fucking creepy.

I thought I'd never see the day where I actually admitted I drank too much. My stomach churned. Air bubbles burned my esophagus. My knees tumbled towards gravity, my pants ripping where skin met fabric.

"Shit…"

The taste of vomit never tasted so vapid. It's like my taste buds were off. Everything felt numb. Everything was shadows. Everything was echoes.

"Grimmjow?"

_It echoed._

Even his footsteps mirrored each other. The scrape of his knees against concrete had never been so loud.

I blinked, though it didn't help me much. His eyes were the brightest out of everything I was seeing. His breaths fanned against my lips.

"You're the same as the way I left you…"

He's wearing that bittersweet smile. I _loathed_that even more than the crying.

"Drunk again; why don't you just lay off it for a while?" Then he's standing. _And then, he's leaving…_

"Don't…" I nearly rip the jacket he's wearing from the corner I'm tugging on. He's staring at me._Surprised._

_Don't go…_

"I… don't fucking need you." I stared at him, daring him to rebuke. _Would he forgive me if I continued this?_"For all I could fucking care, you could… die right now, and I would just laugh… Ya know why?" He's not looking at me. "'Cause I hate you… always have…" I'm anticipating the waterworks.

But he goes and does what I hate even more. That smile. "You're stubborn as always." He nods to himself.

'_Cause nobody else would agree with him right now._

The jacket slips from my fingers, and they make a last attempt to grab it, but he was already out of my reach.

_Is this it?_

Five years. Five fucking years. To get to where we are now. Severed in only one day. _Would I let it die?_

_Should I?_

I didn't think. I didn't stop. My arm reached out towards him; that back facing forward. "Ichigo…" The words hung lifeless, yet reverberated throughout the distance that split us.

That head of apricot strands pivoted; to look behind him.

_To look at me._

Those almond eyes rippled with water, sliding down his sleek cheek like rubber. Down to his chin to form a definite point. Plummeted to the ground; thousands of atoms in one drop.

_One step forward._

_If I took that giant leap, would he accept it?_

Or would he push me away?

One step. That's all it was_._

So, I moved…

And he moved backwards. Eyes terrified.

_I knew it…_

"Grimmjow, look out!"

Lights. It blinded me.

His fingers; jammed my chest so fucking hard that I was shoved a few feet away.

Then… _the screeches._

_The vehicle's shriek as well as…_

"Ichigo?"

I heard the scattering of feet. The shocked gasps. The beeps of a phone.

They all rang in my head incessantly.

For one night, I actually wished I was blind. Wished that I wasn't kneeling where I was now.

Blood soaked the ground, filling the cracks and miniscule holes. Forever stained. I could smell the copper. See his eyes closed. Hear his shallow breathing, decreasing… decreasing… decreasing…

His hair was tinged with red; I picked him up gingerly. Held his fragile head, felt his thumping heart beneath my hand. I was staring at him; stared at those fucking closed lids.

_Open them._

My fingers coiled around his shirt, right above his chest. "Damn it," I seethed through clenched teeth.

_Why would you do that?_

_Why would you do that?_

_Why?_

I told him I would laugh if he died. That I wouldn't give a fuck.

I didn't laugh.

Not one bit.

**XXXX**

My hands wouldn't move. Couldn't.

I hated this place. Every time a fucking nurse or doctor passed by, I thought they were the one that operated on Ichigo.

_It was frustrating._

Waiting on the inevitable, yet it took a million years.

Every part of me was sweating, with the exception of my hands. Cold as ice.

Tonight was colder than usual. It was November now, wasn't it?

_Damn._

Two more weeks.

Two more weeks and we'd have been six years.

_Would Ichigo survive this to actually celebrate it with me?_

My fingers rolled into my palms, the knuckles stretching my skin. My fingers were thawed.

"Jeagerjaques-san?" I brought my eyes upwards; scrutinized at the lab coat, and the pale-as-white skin that matched with it.

"Mmph…" I wanted to punch this lady. Her smile was as fake as prosthetic boobs.

I stood to my feet; wobbled slightly. "Sir, are you all right?"

"Whatever. Just tell me how he is." She nodded her head, gesturing towards a nearby door.

"Please sit, Jeagerjaques-san." She indicated to any one of the chairs with a wave of her hand, seating herself behind a desk. I kept my eyes on that fake smile. "Kurosaki-san is doing well, rest assured."

I didn't relax whatsoever. Kept my vigilant watch on that never-faltering smile. "He has broken a few bones, but none that are too serious. Though he did get hit on the head harshly. It's too early to tell what this could cause Kurosaki-san. It would be best he stayed in the hospital for the time being; just in case he shows any sign of amnesia."

I swallowed thickly. Fists shaking. I eased the chair back; exited without a glance back.

**XXXX**

I called his dumbass family. Though I'd rather they didn't know about it. _But if he were here right now… he'd be scolding me for even thinking of leaving his family out of it._

Smoke swirled in the air like fairy dust, coming out in whooshes from the side of my mouth. I breathed it in; contained it for as long as I could.

It fizzed in my brain; cooked it to ease some stress. I leaned my head against the window behind me; sighed and peered at the stars. I could barely see 'em. A few twinkling dots here and there, but other than that, pitch darkness.

Sighed again. Drove fingers into my unruly hair, pulling at the strands with a vice grip.

"_I'm tired of this…"_

What could've prevented that from coming out of his lips? What could've prevented what happened tonight?

I pulled the cigarette from my dry lips, stared at it as if one-on-one. "Keh-" I chucked the fucking thing beneath my shoe. Stomped out the flames transforming into ashes.

_If I hadn't smoked and drunk so often, would he have stayed?_

**XXXX**

Visited him again. I do it like a fucking ritual.

I'd place one of his favorite flowers in the vase beside his bed, counting the days his eyes were still closed.

Fifteen days.

Still in the same position. Same expression. Same condition.

I grasped onto his hand as if it were a life-line, hoping through force that he would just open his eyes.

_Open it once._

Sixteen.

Seventeen.

Still holding onto his frail fingers. "Hey, Ichigo… Are you regrettin' it yet? I sure as hell am." Watched him; those unmoving eyelashes. "Why'd you do it? Why didn't you just walk away…?"

Then I felt it. His fingers… they moved. "Ichigo?" He moved again.

_Moved._

"Shit, the nurse," I blurted. Stood to leave, but something rooted me in place.

_His moving fingers._

What if when I came back with the stupid-ass nurse, he would be immobile again?

My fingers enveloped his, his head slightly tilting, eyebrows twitching. "Ichigo, hey, wake up. Ichigo!" His eyeballs beneath those eyelids were shifting about. His fingers responded to my touch.

"Hnn…" His voice sounded hoarse; parched. His chest was lifting. His breaths entering his mouth like a vacuum.

_Open your eyes._

Eyelids separated. Pupils zeroed in. Irises bright and alive.

His eyes wandered. Strayed, then settled. "Wha- where-" Panic surrounded him. His eyes, his body, his voice.

"Ichigo, you're in the hospital," I explained.

"Wha- how-"

"Some fucker almos' crashed into me, but ya' pushed me outta the way an' took the hit." He stared at me incredulously.

_Like a bewildered stranger._

"W-why would I save you?"

Heat. It was in my fists.

"That's what I'd like to ask you…" Ichigo looked shocked. Analyzed it all in his head. Peered up at me. Stared _into_me.

"Who are you?"

_Anger._

_Sadness._

_Betrayal._

_Confusion._

_Regret._

Who are _you_ right now, Ichigo? Do I know you? Or do you just not know me?

"Grimmjow… we've… we've been together since high school. You remember." I was shaking. My breaths were coming short.

"G-Grimm… jow?" He sounded like a child. Trying to sound my name out like that.

"Yeah. Grimmjow."

"I-I'm sorry… I don't… remember anything…" The shakes stopped. The world stopped spinning on its fucking axis.

"… Yeah…"

I stood to my feet. I didn't know how long I was dashing through the halls in circles until I was outside, the air I exhaled coming out in puny clouds. The air was frigid. Everything was enclosed in ice. Water drifting down from the gray clouds only to pelt at me.

_Know what I was tired of, Ichi?_

… _I was tired of losing you._

* * *

**This was slightly difficult to finish o-o I wanted to keep Grimmjow as IC as possible, but it was really hard :O The writing style called for emotion, yet we all know how much Grimmjow would deny he had any.**

**Summary:**Grimmjow and Ichigo have been living through a disastrous relationship, leading to a point where Ichigo decides to break the relationship off to expand his horizons. When Ichigo returns to pack his things, he encounters Grimmjow drunk on a street. Just as he was leaving, he spotted a car hurtling by; in his desperation to save Grimmjow, Ichigo sacrificed himself to push the man out of the way. With Ichigo awakening to retrograde amnesia, will Grimmjow try to reconcile with an Ichigo who didn't remember him, or allow Ichigo the break he had planned before the accident?

**I placed the summary at the bottom because I didn't want anything spoiled :P**

**So, please review? No flames :) Everyone have a nice day/night :D**


	2. Chapter 2: Remnants

**Author's Note: I'd estimate that this series will end up 10 or less chappies or so long :O Nothing too excessive :) I do hope everyone appreciates this as much as I do ^-^ **

Soya Pie**/**Hazel Grey**/**OfeliaWolf**/**ShadowsOfPenAndPaper**/**ShuichisBoo**/**luneta-star

**Thank you to those who left a review :D**

**Disclaimer: Bleach ain't mine :P**

**Warnings: Yaoi, sexual content, profanity, possible OOC-ness, nonconsensual sex, and probable violence.**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 2: Remnants]**

* * *

I wonder how far your amnesia goes.

Am I erased entirely?

Or am I just a familiar stranger to you now?

…

Remember the day we actually spoke?

July 17. Summer.

Rain made it seem like summer hadn't come at all. I know how you despise rain so much.

I bet ya forgot I hated it too.

I was in my usual spot.

The cemetery.

There was a patch of trees, and in the middle of it all, barren grass remained empty.

Any fool would know not to be near trees during a storm.

But hell, I hadn't cared for anything that day. Or any other day in particular.

I just swam along in a current, letting it lead me wherever the fuck it wanted.

_What was the point of swimming in a different direction when the current would fight me?_

I was lying there, still; lifeless. Staring up at a sky that never stopped crying.

It was cold. The water pelted at my skin like gunshots. Trees swayed like ships.

The sky was a lost cause amongst the grey of the clouds.

I hated the rain.

But I liked the sound.

Water soaked you to the bone, but you're still in love with the sound.

Masochistic.

Everywhere I went, rain followed, the sound coaxing me to stay.

_This was how I was gonna live my life. _

_Each day._

_Every hour._

_Every second._

My existence was made to be shot down. Gunshots entered me. Over and over.

Then, somehow, I didn't feel the pain of it.

_Maybe I was so full of holes that they just passed through me._

I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

I didn't feel the rain. But the sound was clear.

_Do I dare open my eyes?_

My eyelashes were wet. Eyelids were heavy. Energy had somehow ceased to exist.

_The current was strong. But if I paddled against it, would I eventually reach land, or hopelessly swim forever?_

Today, I do dare.

I imagined I was looking into my own eyes.

Like a reflection.

But really, I was looking at your blue umbrella.

The handle of your umbrella was orange.

Like your hair.

It was hilarious, right?

Even back then, I was the one rain kicked, and you were the one holding me up; the handle to the umbrella.

Fucking pathetic.

"Who the hell are you?" I seethed.

"If you don't remember, then why should I tell you?"

God, I hated you from day one.

It's not like I ever gave the time of day to remember anyone.

What was so special about _you_?

Absolutely nothing.

"Go fuck off; don't need someone spoiling my mood." Though I said that, maybe, by a slight chance, I wanted ya to deny me.

"Don't you think lying in the rain, by trees, no less, is hazardous?"

"So? Who fucking cares?"

"Well, you should. You only live once."

Then you had steered your attention elsewhere. Even set down the umbrella. Sat.

Got soaked.

Maybe it was that far-away look in your eyes that I was attracted to.

Your ordinariness that made life more interestin'.

"Why the hell're ya here? Shouldn't ya be off playin' with your friends or some shit?"

"Not today."

"What makes today so special, eh?"

"… Remembrance of my mother."

Back then, I couldn't tell whether you were crying or not.

Now, I know ya like the back of my hand.

You jutted out your bottom lip like a spoiled brat, and cried silently like a man.

Could I have seen the difference if it wasn't raining that day?

Silly question.

Anyone could tell when a person was crying.

One tear was worth a thousand atoms. Or more.

Not that hard to miss.

I wondered, though.

How many times had I missed you crying while I was smoking and drinking my sorrows away?

Maybe a lot.

No…

Definitely a lot.

The night ya broke it off with me… that was the first time I ever heard you cry.

I only saw it.

Never heard it.

Know why I hated ya crying?

'_Cause I didn't know how to fix it._

"Remembrance of your mother, huh? Not like it's any of my business."

You jutted out your bottom lip. Said, "Could I just sit here?"

_You were weak. _

But now that I think about it, was I ever strong?

"I thought you said it was hazardous to be by trees during rain." Contradict me now.

"I don't care…"

Was it you that was special?

Or was it that day that was special?

Contradict me.

**XXXX**

I always passed by you in the hallways.

Star student, Kurosaki Ichigo.

While I, on the other hand, was the one who stabbed himself with needles to numb himself.

I had wondered when Mary Jane had become so bitter.

Wasting myself in my one-bedroom apartment, lying on the sofa to wallow in silence.

Though the drug was killing me slowly and softly; though the drug felt nonexistent in my veins, why did I keep doing it?

'Cause I was an addict, right?

Every time I fell asleep, your face was always the last one I saw.

Was that why I kept taking the drug?

Afraid to stop because I didn't want to visualize your face consciously?

Then I took more than how much I usually injected.

To see your face over and over.

It was fool's gold.

Then I realized that I had been dozing off with drool on my face during school.

The fucking teacher slapped a shitty note on my forehead.

_Detention._

Naturally, anyone would get pissed.

And naturally, I hadn't held my tongue.

"Go fuck yourself."

I had been excited to get home, too.

Inject more. Masturbate for a while. Unconsciously thinking of that irritating face.

Fortunately, detention hadn't lasted long.

_Or else I would've murdered the teacher already._

And then I saw you. A couple lockers down, retrieving some books.

My legs were shaking. Armpits sweating. Frown deepening. Heart thudding.

I wasn't love struck.

I was hormonal.

A teenager with desires, the desire standing in front of him.

Naturally, I always got my desires.

So I took you.

Grabbed your wrist.

Slammed my lips onto yours; forced my tongue inside, tasting everything that was you. Every nook and cranny. Every crevice.

_I wanted it all._

"Grimmjow… Grimm…"

You kept spilling my name from your lips. All of those nicknames and names, spurring me on.

I dragged you into the janitor's closet.

Unzipped my pants as quickly as I ripped yours.

I hadn't wasted time on preparing you.

No time on leaving marks.

_No time._

I just wanted to get off. To get off with the image of my desires.

_It was your fault._

_All of it was your fault._

_You were making me do this._

I hoisted your legs. You shouted your pleas. To stop, you said.

You didn't want this, you said.

To punish you, I sunk my teeth into your neck.

You shouted your displeasure. You gave less. I gave more.

_You were a whore._

That opinion formed before I could even stop it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was committing a crime.

Forcibly shoving my dick in your mouth; in your ass.

You were crying.

But I didn't spare to look at you.

Just kept thrusting. Thrusting.

And thrusting.

I threatened you with the mind of a high addict.

Treated you with the mind of an animal.

You were dirty.

I was dirty.

_How come I was the only one ever thinking of you?_

_Didn't you ever fucking think of me?_

Yet the thought never came to me that you knew my name the entire time.

**XXXX**

I felt your eyes tracking me.

It irked me.

Wondered whenever the rumors would begin.

Wondered when I'd be handed to the cops for violating your body.

But no.

You kept your fucking mouth shut.

Even put a band aid where I bit ya.

I wondered what your excuse was to your family when you got home.

To your friends.

_Got bitten by a vampire, Dad. No big deal._

I chuckled at the thought.

Realized that you were still looking at me this entire time, and stopped.

_What the hell were you looking at?_

Right as I decided I would teach you yer place, you beat me to it.

_Took the first leap._

"After class, meet me by the bathroom stalls; I have something to say."

You left as quickly as you came.

And who was I to deny it?

I wanted to know what you were gonna say.

Whether ya were gonna hand me to the authorities, or remain tight-lipped about it.

I preferred the latter.

It'd be more convenient for me.

But then again, what would've been the background of your actions if ya kept quiet 'bout it?

_Would the reason benefit me in the end?_

So I met you.

From your toes to your apricot spikes, you were shaking.

Any idiot could tell.

You sweated like a dog. Looked like you were ready to piss yerself.

"So. What'd ya call me out for?" I hid my sweating fist behind me, the other hand in my pocket.

You opened your mouth. Open. Closed. Open.

"Hurry it the fuck up. I have better things to do."

Your face spelled trouble. Red. Almost putting your hair to shame.

I didn't want to stay put to hear the ugly truth. The damn truth.

I stepped forward. I didn't want to take the extra leap. Not even the fucking mile.

There I was, about to run away from problems again. Not facing it head on again. Trying not to give a fuck again.

Was I trying to make a rep to others? Or for myself?

_If I didn't step away right now… it would lead me to…_

"About the other day…"

My sweating fist clenched.

"D-don't think it was some kind of rape scene or anything… The more I had thought it over in my head… the more it occurred to me that I actually l-liked it, so…"

I hadn't wanted to look at you. Would it terrify me or would it confuse me?

_Which was worse?_

"I-I don't do things half-assed. I hope you know that… so… I wanna give this a try…"

When I _did_ look at you, it surprised me.

I hadn't known whether you looked stubborn or determined.

And then I had thought, what gave you the right to choose for me? What was your fucking right?

"What happens when you get what you want? What are you gonna do next?" I looked into his eyes. I dared him to answer me. Demanded him, even.

You remained silent for a while. Like you couldn't say it. Like it was something only a fucking god could.

"Well… I don't think anyone would know. I mean, when most people think about doing something, they do it. Goal is their motivation. But… I don't think anyone really thinks about what happens after they have it, so…"

He sure loved to trail off on his sentences.

I think he's the type of person I hate the most. The indecisive kind.

"So yer saying that you'll just string me along like I'm your bitch until you're satisfied?" I put both arms on the wall, barricading you. Staring dead-on, one-on-one.

"Why are you trying to make excuses to back out of this? You're thinking so hard over it, but I'm the one who confessed…"

Yeah. He was the type of person I despised. Analytical.

"Don't get so high and mighty, shoving yer conclusions on me."

"So am I wrong?" Even though you said that, I could feel the uncomfortable vibe from you. Can nearly smell it.

I looked closely. Made sure not to show anymore of myself to you. 'Cause I'm sure he's also the type to peel layers back without permission.

Then a realization came to me.

You weren't stubborn. You weren't determined, either.

_Striving._

**XXXX**

My room was dark. Shadows clung to the walls and floors like dirt and germs.

The only light source was the fucking lamp post outside my bedroom window.

Forgot to pay the electricity bill.

But it's not like I gave a damn. You liked having sex in the dark anyway.

Said that I wouldn't be able to make out your expressions in the dark.

But that didn't cover the noise you made whenever I fucked you senseless.

Seemed to me that ya came here almost every night now.

I had a vague feeling that it had something to do with yer family, but ya never spoke about it.

I didn't ask about it either.

I analyzed it in my head; surmised that we had a lack of communication.

Didn't talk much. Just fucked.

Is this what you had wanted? A fuck buddy?

At first I thought it was fine that way. But changes were happening, and as much I had wanted to keep the world still, it kept fucking rotating.

_If the world wasn't tilted on its shitty axis, would everything balance out?_

Things were changing. But you and I seemingly weren't.

Everything had remained that way… until tonight.

"Grimmjow…" You sounded tired. No different than the other nights.

You shifted in my arms.

I didn't know if this was something we pretended to have; love, that was.

We fucked; then we cuddled. Kissed like any real couple. Treated each other like lovers. But didn't talk like one.

But then I always thought, _"Why did we have to be those fucking stereotypes? Screw them."_

Or was this something we convinced ourselves of?

"Do you wanna stop this?" he asked. His tone didn't have that usual anger to it. He didn't sound like he was fighting.

He was like a deflated balloon.

We had built a stable guard on ourselves. That was another thing I noticed.

But it was fragile. _Fucking weak._

"And if I do?" I felt you tense up.

Sat up. Didn't even look at me.

Somewhere, I heard that shield we put up crack.

"I think I won't be staying here after all…" You had begun to stand up, pulling on your pants, sliding on your sleeves; everything was rushed.

But not fast enough for you to reach the door, my hand shooting out to grab you, bringing you underneath me.

_To be caged._

Your bottom lip was jutting out. Eyes puffy, red, and leaking like a dam.

You were a cry baby. Maybe that was why I thought we were never compatible.

Like the first time, I froze up; didn't know what to do next.

You took my face between your hands, pulling me close to you. Hugged me like you'd lose me anytime soon.

"Why can't you just say that I'm someone important to you?" he nearly begged.

This was something that always bothered me.

Seemed like every time you cried, you would be the one to fix your own problems.

_You_ would be the one to fix _me._

You cried for the both of us, because the duty fell upon you to convey what I felt.

You were definitely something I hated.

Because no matter how much I tried, grieved, sobbed, and fought, I could never support you.

In fact, it was like that from the very beginning.

You were always the handle on the umbrella.

I loathed and loved you at the same time.

_Would you still be there to hold me up… once you peel all my layers back?_

'Cause if you tear the umbrella down, the rain is bound to drown you.

* * *

**Welp, as you can see, I've been watching WAY too much Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi. Review, please? :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Improvement

**Author's Note: Not much to say except that I'm listening to a Death Note OST XD **

Loreto W**/**DramaticChipmunk**/**x615Butterflyx**/**azul renge**/**HazelGrey**/**OfeliaWolf**/**ShadowsOfPenAndPaper**/**luneta-star

**I love you guys :D Do ya love me too? XD**

**Disclaimer: **Believe me. Grimmjow would already be back if it were mine e_e Tite Kubo and his troll-ness. PISSES me off.

**Warnings: **Yaoi, stuff that are sexy (coughGrimmjowcough), profanity, sexual content, OOC-ness, and possible violence.

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 3: Improvement]**

* * *

"Oni-chan! I'm so glad you're finally awake!"

"You worried me, my son!"

His family members. They were starting to give me a headache.

I leaned my head on the wall behind me. Blew out a breath of air, my hair lifting.

"Oyaji, seriously, stop. I'm fine!"

I glared at the tiling under my feet.

His voice was still the same, despite everything.

But what the hell was I expecting?

_That everything about him would change just 'cause he forgot me?_

"Ichi-nii, I was at least expecting you'd grow taller the next time I saw you. But you haven't changed at all."

"Shut up, Karin."

He sounded happy.

_When were we ever happy? _

_Was there ever a time?_

I sighed.

Found myself doing that more often than not.

Stood to my feet, my electric-blue eyes meeting Isshin's.

I didn't intentionally want that. Why the fuck would I?

Hated his fucking guts, too.

I stuffed my fists in my pockets; walked to get away from his stare.

He probably already knew. About Ichigo's condition.

Even if I didn't want him to find out, he would eventually.

"Ah, Grimmjow-kun. Wait one moment."

I grabbed a paper cup on top of a water dispenser. Poured some. Watched the drops fall.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

_No, I don't want to speak with your ugly-as-fuck face. _

"You want Ichigo to live with ya, or somethin'?" I grumbled, never breaking eye contact with my disfigured reflection on the water dispenser.

"Look, Grimmjow. You've been taking care of Ichigo all these years, and for that, I thank you. But, he needs his family through this-"

"No, if he had needed his family before, he would've arranged that before all of this happened."

"Grimmjow, he's my _son._ He deserves at least this much." He eyed me with this sternly father look.

Pissed me off.

Heat. Everywhere. "If it were left for Ichigo to decide, I know he'd want what was best for him, and that's with me."

"He doesn't even remember you. What makes you think he'll want to stay with you?" He shook his head. Like I was a pity.

My fingers recoiled into my palm. A head of a turtle going back into its shell.

"'Cause Ichigo sacrificed his memory for me. What other fucking proof can you get?"

The cup in my hand crumpled. Water spilled from all sides.

He sighed. Ran fingers through his ebony hair.

Even had the nerve to place his filthy hand on my shoulder.

"Grimmjow, I understand how you feel so strongly about this. But Ichigo-"

"That's not for you to decide. You keep forgetting that Ichigo's an adult now. Twenty-three, at that. He can choose for himself without your help."

"I am his father. No matter how old he is, my duty is to protect him."

My chest tightened. Lips pulled back into a snarl.

"Tell me this, then, Isshin. What the hell ya protectin' him from? Last I remembered, you weren't there for him in the past five years," I growled.

"I know I haven't been. That's why I want to choose this time to redeem myself…"

I shrugged off his hand. He barely flinched.

He sighed. Frustration evident. "And don't think Ichigo hid the fact that you two were over."

My heart bounced.

_So… He knew about the break-up._

"It was vague, but I could tell he was hurt. This is the kinda stuff I wanted to protect him from. I wanted to protect him from people like you."

Without a second to ponder; without even the slightest breath to rest, I had him pinned by the neck.

_I could kill him if I wanted to. _

… _Then Ichigo would be all mine._

I fought a stare contest with the man. Black to blue.

And I saw it in him.

_He purely detested me._

For taking his precious son away from him. Away from the family.

For corrupting him.

For straying him from the right path.

I knew that.

But I wish I hadn't.

My grip loosened around him. Air was finally available.

Isshin situated both palms on my shoulders. Patted them, even.

I stared at the tiling again. Fists shaking; fighting for control.

This was what Isshin was talking about.

My ability to lose against emotions.

"Ichigo will be omitted in the next couple of weeks. I suggest you start distancing yourself. It'll save you the trouble of heartbreak. I don't want to do this, but Ichigo will be safer with me. You can say goodbye to him on the last day, but I don't recommend it."

Last pat. He's walking away. Left behind the slippery floor from the water I spilled.

Left me behind to wallow in silence.

**XXXX**

Peace.

To me, it was eerie.

The apartment seemed so gray.

So empty.

_Lifeless._

Even the sunshine from outside couldn't even disrupt the dark in here.

_December 22._

The hospital was gonna let him go that day.

With his _dad._

I felt instant furiousness, remembering that Goat's face.

Jumped up to my feet. Dashed into my room. Pulled on my familiar drawer.

Searched through my boxers, neatly folded by…

And then I saw it.

The box of cigarettes. Marlboro, to be exact.

I could feel my blood rushing into my hands. My veins yearned for it.

I shook. Shook uncontrollably.

_Just one smoke…_

_That's all…_

_And then I'll stop for good…_

_Just to ease the stress…_

The pack of smokes crushed in my hand. I charged outside. Felt the whoosh of air enter my lungs.

I saw the trash can beside the mailbox. Threw it inside with slight reluctance.

Gone.

My thoughts had begun to bundle together in that same order I always did.

_One smoke to relieve me for one day…_

Without even knowing it, I had almost relapsed to my damn, old routine.

'_Cause one smoke wasn't ever enough. _

_Never._

My breathing was heavy. The morning atmosphere was tremendously cold.

I rushed back inside. Locked the door as I entered.

Took to my kitchen like it didn't matter. Checked the usual places for booze.

Set them all on a counter. Got a trash bag. Stuffed them all in there like toys for donation.

The glasses clicked and clacked as they landed inside.

But I didn't fucking care.

I hoisted the bottles of beer, and trudged outside to the trash can.

Spotted the crumpled Marlboro.

With a heavy grunt, the trash bag, along with my _stress_ relievers were simply gone.

**XXXX**

It had been three days.

I'd gone without a single beer and a single cigarette.

It was difficult, kicking an old habit. An addiction.

But I had to.

This was the only way.

I hadn't been in this part of town for nearly three years.

It wasn't as crowded as I had imagined. But still noisy nonetheless.

I opened the door. Bell chimed above my head.

"Welcome, sir." I nodded in reply.

Any minute now, that old man would show up…

"Grimmjow? Is that you?"

I rotated on my heel.

"Hats-and-clogs; knew you'd be in."

"Ah, I knew I recognized that blue head of yours. What brings you here? We haven't seen you in ages!" he exclaimed. Still that same fan from years ago.

I scratched at the back of my head. Swallowed. "I just wanted to ask a favor. I wanna clean the house, but I'm running low on supplies. Since your shop provides all kinds of weird things, I wanted ya to help me out. Recommend some stuff to clean the floor and walls, know what I mean?"

He stared at me for a while.

Was beginning to piss me off, but I knew I had to work on control.

"Sure thing, Grimmjow-kun. I'll even throw in a discount from all the stuff you buy. Anything for my nephew's boyfriend; say, where is that blusterous child?"

He peered behind me. Above me. Below me.

"Uh, he's…" I glanced at my feet.

Maybe I glanced there for too long, 'cause Urahara began to tap his foot lazily.

"He's gonna be back in a few days' time… I _know_ it."

_At least that was what I wanted to believe._

With a nod of understanding, he began to question what I required.

Brooms, mops, soap, spray, etc.

I was barely able to open the door when I got home.

Jiggled the key into the lock. Noticed my wallet slip out of my pocket.

"Shit," I grumbled. With a push, the door was open. Placed all the plastic bags on the floor.

Picked up my worn wallet. Dared to even peek inside, knowing I didn't even have enough to buy food at the moment.

I spent all my saved money reserved for beer. Now I barely had a nickel in sight.

I guess it was a price I had to pay. Figuratively and literally.

I brushed aside the curtains, making the tiny apartment permeable to sunlight.

Dust flew around like it had nothin' better to do, but laze about. Contaminated the air.

I did everything.

I cleaned. And cleaned like it was a profession I loved.

Every crevice. Every corner. I swept it all of the horrible past it had become.

Splotches of gray, black, and brown. Erased and replaced with white.

Mopped the floor. Swept it. Vacuumed.

Did the laundry. The dishes. Placed the dried ones in the cupboards.

Cleaned out the fridge. Changed the sheets of the bed.

Rearranged the furniture, but leaving them where they were originally placed.

_That way, he'd recognize where everything was. Where he left it._

Washed the sinks. Scrubbed the tub. Fixed the toilet.

I swept the place of all its grime.

Sprayed the air with new fragrance, eliminating the smell of smoke.

All that was left of this once-dirty place was me.

**XXXX**

One week.

Two days.

I walked the familiar route. Glass door opening.

Bell chiming.

"You're early today, Grimmjow-kun," the blonde man commented. "You realize that even if you come early, you won't get paid higher than what you're already receiving?"

"Yeah." I lifted a box. Walked over to the candy aisle. Set it down. "I know that, but I'm not here just for the money."

"Oh?"

I smirked at the old man. Fished the candy in the box, placing them where they were supposed to go on the rack.

Tended to customers with a fake smile. Arranged items. Manned the cashier. Carried boxes to wherever.

Right after finishing that job, I looked out the window. Saw the setting sun.

_Orange._

"Grimmjow-kun, here's your weekly pay. Nice job, young man."

Received the lent envelope into my hands. Bowed in earnest thanks. Door opened. Bell chimed.

The usual.

I walked the usual direction. Stopped near the usual building.

I looked at the envelope. Stared at it. Felt the cash inside.

_But it wouldn't be enough to pay for what I wanted. _

Knowing that, I still stood there. Watched people enter and exit.

Now that I was sitting here, eating an ice cream sandwich to quell my hunger, I realized that this had become a pastime of mine.

Only about a week was left for Ichigo…

_Only one week for me…_

But the money I had now; it would never be able to pay for everything.

Rent. Electricity. Water. Food.

I considered giving up on this building.

But then, if I did that, I would still be the same.

Giving up easily over something without even finding a solution.

I needed this to get better.

I needed this for _us._

"Excuse me?" I felt taps on my shoulder.

Peeked behind me, and there standing was a woman of dark skin, purple, flowing hair, and golden irises.

"I couldn't help but notice you standing here all the time. Do you need something?"

"No," my immediate reply came.

"Wait! You work at the Urahara Shoten, correct?"

I stopped then. Nodded my head without turning back.

"I recognize you from there. I come there often to visit Kisuke, and he seems quite close to you." I turned around.

"Who are you?" I asked without preamble.

"I'm Kisuke's ex-wife, Shihoin Yoruichi. I work at this anger management building as a receptionist."

She stuck out a hand. I looked at it skeptically.

Shook it firmly. "Name's Grimmjow."

"Well, nice to meet you, Grimmjow." She smiled.

I remained indifferent.

"I see you busting your ass every morning to afternoon in that shop, and from what I can tell, you're a diligent worker. Are you working so hard because you, perhaps, want to attend anger management classes?" She raised an eyebrow.

It wasn't out of suspicion.

Wasn't out to ridicule me.

Just an inquiry.

I figured she was a safe enough person.

"Well, yeah. But I don't have enough money for that stuff."

I didn't need her input on this.

So I spun. Headed for home.

"Grimmjow!"

Halted. Waited for her to voice out whatever she wanted.

_Then I'd be off._

"My sister's husband works here as one of the teachers. I can help you out, if you'll let me."

I stared at her with a keen eye.

She didn't look like she pitied me.

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything, Grimmjow. But my sister _does _need help at the bar she runs. You can pay off the classes if you just work there every now and then."

It wouldn't be a bright idea to be around so much alcohol.

"Sorry, but I already have a job at Urahara's."

"Don't worry about it. I can negotiate with Kisuke on this. We can arrange the schedule of when you should work if you'd like."

My eyebrows rose, sky-high.

_Why was this woman helping me?_

I didn't know her. Nor did I want to.

But this was what I wanted.

I could finally work on myself.

This was my chance.

My _only _chance.

**XXXX**

Two weeks, exact.

_December 20._

_5 P.M._

_The day is near. He's about to released from the hospital. _

_Breathe._

_You'll have to see his father._

_Pause._

_Control it._

_Pause._

_Control your temper._

_Pause._

_Just breathe._

"All right, that's it for today. Now go home and sleep."

Starrk Coyote.

The guy was a lethargic bastard. But he was likeable, to say the least.

He was also the guy who ran this class.

"Grimmjow, need a ride?" He jingled the keys in his hand.

"Ya mind?"

"Nah, we're going to the same place anyway."

I dropped the notebook on Coyote's desk. Filled with all my thoughts. Filled with Starrk's many advices.

The car ride to Hueco Mundo always took less than ten minutes, I took note of.

Buildings were a blur, cars whizzing by.

The bar pulsed with rhythm. Heated bodies here and there. Lights scattered. Conversations slurred or clear.

"Hey, Hal."

I tied my apron around me. Heard the kisses they exchanged in their usual greeting.

Halibel Tia Coyote. Starrk's wife, who also happened to be Yoruichi's sister.

The only difference 'bout 'em was their hair color and eyes, and that Halibel was the older one.

"How'd the class go?" she asked, wiping a glass cup.

Starrk poured himself the usual. Whiskey. Trudged over to the lounge room for employees; probably to take his usual nap. "What else? Boring."

Same as usual.

**XXXX**

December 22.

_Breathe._

The hospital was the same. Never-faltering.

Ushering the near-death. Trying to resuscitate the near-death. Caring to those who were wounded.

Releasing those who were able.

When I looked back on it, I always thought doctors could help me.

High school years were tough, and I was only getting into fights more often.

But, hospitals only fixed those with physical wounds.

_Not emotional ones._

That's why they couldn't help Ichigo.

They couldn't help _me. _

They've fixed his broken bones.

Not his ability to remember me.

That's why he needed to stay here.

_He needed to stay with me._

Because if I let him go now, there was no telling he'd ever return.

* * *

**Less words, more music ;)- ****Curiosity Killed Kristy. Review, please ^-^**


	4. Chapter 4: Return

**Author's Note: I finally found the theme song for this story :D 'Tis at the bottom of this chappie if you wanna hear it ^-^**

X615Butterflyx**/**summeranderson**/** 'but nobody knows**/**Loreto W**/**Mayuzu**/**azul renge**/**Nekokratic**/**mcpidy**/**ShadowsOfPenAndPaper**/**Platoniclus Nue**/**Guest**/**Nero-Chan**/**Niji Hitomi Kabra

**I've never had so many reviews for one chapter. I'm so happy, you have no idea. I would like to ask those of you who are not using an account to use the same name if you review again :) I wanna know if it's you ^-^**

**Disclaimer: **Anyone who sues a Fanfiction writer is plain idiotic e-e

**Warnings: **Sexiness, crude language, OOC-ness, possible violence, and oh, did I mention sexiness? ;)

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 4: Return]**

* * *

_Breathe._

My fingers shook. Chest heaving. Lip quivering.

I could hear the faint sound of his younger sister.

Saw them exiting. One short, raven-haired. One blonde. A tall father. And a man on a wheelchair.

Just looking at him…

_It damn well made me want to snatch him away from everyone._

But it hurt. Staring at him, while he remained oblivious of my existence.

Then a taxi pulled up.

Heart thudded erratically.

His two sisters got on board. Waved at their brother.

Closed the vehicle's door.

And on they went.

My eyebrows furrowed.

His father remained standing behind him. Hands on the wheelchair.

Breeze lifted his orange tresses. A smile appeared on his lips.

From what, I didn't know. Nor did I understand.

_Why were they standing there?_

_Like they were waiting for something?_

Or could it be…

_Someone?_

Isshin remained stoic. Unmoving. Upset.

Like he accepted this fate.

_What were they waiting for?_

Wasn't he going to take Ichigo away from me?

_One step._

So that I wouldn't be able to rekindle our bond?

_Two._

So that…

_Three._

All hope that I ever had could be destroyed?

It only took four. I was in front of him. He was in front of me.

And then I realized that Isshin wasn't the one I had to face.

_It was his son._

"Seriously, Grimmjow, how long were you planning to keep us waiting?"

I steered my eyes onto Isshin. He was scratching his head.

Tried to pretend like he was joking around. But I saw that fear in his eyes.

That pain.

_The defeat._

"He was probably waiting for you to leave."

I drove my baffled eyes onto Ichigo. He shook his head. Knew that his father was the meaning of the word, "idiot."

"I want to stay here. I figured that if I nearly died trying to save you, you were probably someone I cherished and wasn't willing to let go," Ichigo explained.

Stared up at me with this calmness I wasn't quite familiar with.

I never saw that in him before.

Almost like it was something entirely new.

Our relationship… It was built on risk.

Danger.

Panic.

With that, I found myself thinking…

_Can we build something that wasn't us before?_

"Grimmjow, was it?"

I blinked. Nodded.

"I'm… I still feel kinda odd about all of this. If I stayed with you, it'd be like I was staying with a complete stranger… so…"

I smiled. Even that was enough to convince me he was still here.

He trailed off on his sentence like he always did whenever he was nervous.

"I got ya. I'll… try my best…" I spoke with sincere honesty.

He smiled in return.

"Oi, Grimmjow-kun. You better take care of my son. If anything happens again… you'd better sleep with your eyes open," Isshin warned.

He was joking. But somehow, I felt truthfulness in it. So, I merely nodded.

"Be good to him…" He barely made it into a whisper. Pushed Ichigo's wheelchair with the slightest nudge of his hand. And then… _he let go._

**XXXX**

The ride home was more peaceful than I had imagined.

Ichigo had stared out at all of the passing buildings, people, streets, etc.

I had wondered if he remembered them at all.

_Anything at all._

"Where do we live?" he had asked innocently.

"Down by the river," I had answered.

He had stared out the window again. Had nodded in understanding.

I parked in the usual spot in front of the apartment.

He kept his gaze on the glistening lake. Sun setting. Water shimmering.

I tugged on the wheelchair I stashed in the trunk. Pulled it out to set it down.

Opened the car door for him. He turned his head in somewhat slight shock.

I left my arms wide open for him. He wrapped his arms around my neck.

I hefted him into my arms.

Felt my chest tighten at this position.

He was so close to me.

_I… I want to…_

And the feelings dissipated once I set him into the wheelchair.

When I finally situated my hands on the handles, I realized I had been shaking.

Shaking because I had wanted to keep him close like that.

_I hadn't felt that way in a long time._

The restraint.

And the longing.

I unlocked the door. Felt the whoosh of air condition.

His head whipped up, down, left, right. Curious.

Then he giggled.

"What?" I asked with irritancy.

I didn't find the situation funny at all. In fact, it was unnerving.

I was sweating fucking bullets.

"It's just that I expected this place to be a little more… not neat," he grinned.

"Is that a compliment or something meant to piss me off?"

And then he just laughed.

Then he stopped. Looked around him again. As if assessing something.

"Aren't there any pictures?"

And that's when I realized.

We didn't have any.

Never took one. Nothing to keep the memory of us together.

If I were in his position, I probably wouldn't believe a word I said.

I oozed distrust and suspicion.

For all he knew, I could be lying about our relationship entirely.

I decided to pretend like I didn't hear anything at all.

Better to be on the safer side.

"Want a drink?" I didn't wait for him to answer.

Just strode into the kitchen, opened the fridge.

"Um… sure." He sounded kinda confused. But who wouldn't be?

I evaded his question like the plague.

"Sorry, I only have water. I'll go shopping in a few days."

With the cup filled with ice-cold water, condensation already connecting dots on the glass, I handed it to him.

"Thanks." He smiled. Took it into his hands, brushing my fingers for a millisecond.

Yet it only took that long for me to feel the electricity shock my entire body.

_Silence._

It was definitely the most awkward moment I had with him.

I wanted to just fucking die.

I sounded like a fucking girl, too.

That was the worst of it.

I couldn't even be myself in my own thoughts.

"Can we watch T.V.?" he asked timidly.

"Y-yeah," I answered like it was a billion-dollar question.

I took to the remote. Pressed it on. The flash burning into our retinas.

Don Kanonji was at his antics again, the Karakurizers in the background.

Ichigo never really liked this show, but it wasn't like he was objecting either.

"What did I usually watch?"

I found myself raising an eyebrow at that.

"Uh…" Scratched at my head in musing.

Truthfully, both of us never watched T.V.

We'd always just screw on the bed like rabbits, or eat dinner in silence.

_Shit._

I didn't know what his favorite show was.

"You never really watched T.V., so I wouldn't know." I shrugged, despite the fact that I felt like horses stomped on me repeatedly.

_I was his boyfriend, damn it!_

I didn't even know what he fucking liked, for crying out loud.

"Hmm…" He nodded in understanding. "Then what did I usually do?"

I blinked at him. Scratched again. Only this time at my wrist.

Sighed. Eyes flashed back in time.

"You'd… Well, you'd clean everything that you could. Tables, counters, the fridge, whatever was there. Make dinner. Then if you were up to it… you'd draw."

His eyes lit up at that.

"… Can I see what I drew then?"

Again, I blinked.

"Heh, sorry, but I don't know where you put it. In fact, I never really knew what you were drawing. You'd never show me." I grinned at him, like I was telling my grandson stories of the past.

Quite ironic how you were trying to explain things to your own boyfriend. About himself.

It was humorous as well as melancholic.

"Mmm…" he hummed. Like he comprehended anything I said at all. "Well then…"

Then he grunted. Like he was struggling.

My eyes spun onto him. Saw him trying to stand, his hands lifting him up by pushing on the wheelchair's arms.

"Ichigo-" I began in alarm.

"I-I'm fine. Don't worry about it." With one more push, he was up. Staggered a bit, but okay nonetheless.

He turned towards the kitchen. He looked like he would collapse at any moment.

He probably didn't feel like he was walking on eggshells as much as I was.

One minute he almost fell, but righted himself like it never happened.

He snatched the cloth draped over the sink. Wiped at the counter's invisible grime.

"What are you doing?" I asked with fascination and slight annoyance.

"If I wanna return to who I was, I got settle back into my own routine… right?" He smirked at me.

_The little shit._

Had me near cardiac arrest for that?

But somehow… I felt saved by it.

"Um, is it all right if we just have eggs tonight? It doesn't seem like you have anything else." He poked his head out of the fridge. Egg carton in hand.

"You don't have to-"

"Let me, Grimmjow." And I was silenced like a light switch.

I could see how much he wanted to remember his time that he lost.

_The time he lost with me._

I watched him crack eggs into a bowl. Place the pan on the stove. Flipped the eggs.

It was like…

_He never left._

The aroma filled the house. I could feel the warmth.

_If I sat myself opposite the kitchen, would it seem like Ichigo had never forgotten?_

And I did.

He set the plates down.

Filled water in both our cups.

Then we ate. Silently.

It _did _feel like the accident never happened.

My brain screamed it.

But my heart disagreed.

It ached. Like it knew that a piece was still missing.

"Is it that bad?" I glanced up.

He was smiling apologetically.

_Fuck me._

I didn't bring him here to be conscious about his every action.

I brought him here… so he could he could feel anything but.

"No, it's fine."

We finished it all. Not a hearty meal, but it was still something.

And I felt glad.

I didn't need extravagant things.

_I just wanted him near me._

And immediately, my thoughts scattered when I heard an unfamiliar crash meet the tiling.

"Ichigo, are you okay?" I had run over with no hesitancies.

Saw the smashed plate. Ichigo bent to clean it, the skin on his finger sliced by a shard.

"Ow!" He flinched from the cut.

I rushed to a drawer. Snatched a band aid.

"Damn it. I said to be fucking careful," I voiced through clenched teeth. Bandaged his pricked finger.

"S-sorry."

"Come on. Ya gotta get out of here; I'll clean this up." I lent him my hand.

If he defied even this gesture, I'd just hoist him on my back.

_Ichigo's pride be damned._

His hand landed on top of mine. He shakily stood to his feet; nearly tripped if I hadn't been holding him still at the time.

I led him to the couch. Let him sit.

And this was hardest part. Parting from his touch.

I swept the place of all shards. Dumped it into the trash.

Found him just sitting there. Got closer, then saw cards in his hand.

"Ah, sorry, I kinda found these just lying around so…"

"No, it's fine. Wanna play something?"

"Yeah. How 'bout Bullshit?"

I grinned. At least he still remembered stuff he used to like.

Bastard loved playing it 'cause I could never beat him in it.

He dealt the cards. Put aces up.

Played.

Placed the right cards down.

I was going fine. Had actual hope of winning.

_Then I was fucking running out of cards to put._

So time to start lying.

Instead of putting down a two, I put another ace.

Tried to remain composed so he wouldn't catch me bullshitting him.

Was working so far.

"Bullshit, Grimmjow."

I jolted. Like I got caught in a lie, which was really the case.

"Fuck, ya got me like always."

I picked up the pile of cards; cursed my luck.

"Hm, like always?" he asked.

_Right. He probably doesn't remember playing this game with me._

"Yeah, whenever we played, you'd always win. Pissed me off." I chuckled darkly. "How do ya always know?"

He smiled. "Can't reveal that now, can I?"

"Piss-off," I joked.

He laughed.

I hadn't heard that in, what? Years?

That pure, happy laughter that came from him.

_I miss him._

When that thought crashed into my mind, it terrified me.

_Scared me to the core._

My hand reached out for him. Cupped his cheek.

Met his deep eyes that glowed brightly.

He trembled. Swallowed thickly.

"I…"

Somehow I was able to pick up what he said.

I was caught in his eyes.

Caught in his increasing breaths.

Lips less than a centimeter away.

"I… think I should go to bed."

His gentle fingers pushed my shoulders. My arm dropped.

"Um, I'll sleep on the couch," he suggested.

"No, sleep on the bed. I already planned to sleep here."

I stared at the floor.

He stood.

"All right, then…"

I heard the door click back into place.

Somehow, I felt like something died.

I felt like _I _died.

_Fuck._

**XXXX**

I felt like shit the moment I woke up.

My substitute for an alarm clock only served to announce the deadness I was in.

I wanted to throw my phone at a wall. But what else was gonna fucking wake me up?

I ran fingers through my hair.

Spotted the random disorder of the cards.

Sighed, then made my way into the bathroom.

I let the shower soothe the aches in my back and shoulders.

But even the water wasn't enough of a massage for me.

I entered the room as quietly as I could.

Noticed the disheveled lump beneath the blanket.

He looked peaceful.

I scoffed at that.

At least he looked like he was having a good dream.

I threw my pants and shirt on.

Looked at him again.

Drool ran down his lips.

He was never a cute sleeper.

I made it into the kitchen.

Prepared myself some cereal, and found even _that _was nearly gone.

_I needed to shop, pronto._

Washed the dishes.

Sat.

Really, I wasn't expecting much from this.

He wasn't gonna remember immediately; I have to keep reminding myself that.

Or else I'd just end up disappointed in the end.

* * *

**My head huuuuuurts T_T Ah, well, at least I'm done, right? :D**

**As for those who don't know how to play Bullshit, here's an explanation: You give cards to everyone, right? Then, the ace is placed first, and each person has to put down a card face down to continue the order of cards, like one, two, three :O Then when you run out, and you can't find anything to continue the order, you have to PRETEND like you are. If someone thinks you're lying, they'll say, "BS" or "Bullshit." If you're caught lying, then you have to collect all the cards that was laid down, and start over. That's bad. The first one to lose all their cards wins, which means if you add more to your pile, that ain't goooood :x**

**Sorry, I'm not good at explaining shizz. But, if you can't understand how I put it, please look it up ^-^ I'm not in the best mood to explain correctly XD I apologize T_T**

**As for the song, the theme song for this story, it's called Iris, covered by Sleeping With Sirens. **

**It's AMAZING. Please listen to it :D **

**Another song could be Return to You by August, but I prefer Iris. Return to You has the correct lyrics, but Iris has more of the beat for this story ;)**

**Anyways…**

**Ciao! ;O**


	5. Chapter 5: Motivation

**Author's Note: Okies, I decided that Iris by Sleeping with Sirens is the song for Grimmjow, and Ichigo's is Falling Slowly by the Swell Season :) What do you guys think? Have any other suggestions? :O**

X615Butterflyx**/**Loreto W**/**mcpidy**/**azul renge**/**Poveromo**/**blackgetsuga**/**Mayuzu**/**ougley**/**Platoniclus Nue**/**Curiosity Killed Kristy

**Thank you guys very much :) And by the way, just to clear things up, my friend had used my own account to review on my own story e-e She's such a ditz :P**

**Disclaimer: **Me do not own Bleach o-o

**Warnings: **Um, do you guys really need warnings when you're in this far? XD

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 5: Motivation]**

* * *

_December 23_

_6 P.M._

_I got him._

_Pause…_

_But, it feels like I don't._

_I want him back._

_Pause._

_I really want him back._

_Now._

"I figure it's time I get you guys to stop. You guys could use the rest. Make love to your lovers, and treat your moms right," Starrk said with a yawn.

Never did get that guy.

I brushed fingers through my hair. Placed the pen down.

Flipped through the notebook.

I didn't miss the blank space beneath what I wrote before this one.

Starrk hadn't written any of his input on my thoughts like he always did.

Pretty weird, considering how the guy had a thing for schedules.

"Yo, Grimm, stop spacin' out or I'll leave ya behind."

I looked up. Realized I had been dazing off, and threw the notebook on his desk.

Just like every ride, it was short-lived.

I barely had time to recollect myself before I was there.

Lights blinked back at me.

Stars barely peeking behind smoke clouds, outshined by the artificial lights.

The bar was heavy, and messy with bodies. With more people than the norm.

"Halibel, what's up with this place?" Starrk asked; snuck a kiss in between.

She sighed. Tucked strands of yellow-blonde hair behind an ear. "A celebration for a man with a promotion in this business. I didn't hear where he was from."

She seemed fairly agitated; watched the crowd of men and women surrounding a man chugging alcohol down his throat.

Probably irritated because of their immaturity.

Especially with the disadvantage of helping hands.

I quickly changed into my work attire; checked my phone for any messages, only to be left disappointed when no message beeped at me.

Closed the locker door. Made my way towards the door, only to smack into this chick.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I was in a hurry!" she apologized, bowing her head.

The girl barely even looked up at me to see if I accepted her apology or not. Just breezed past me.

_The bitch._

I hope that sea-green hair of hers burns in the kitchen.

I rushed outside. The crowd barely dispersed.

"Grimmjow, can you man the counter for now? I need to tend to the patrons."

I nodded in Hal's direction. Took to the counter with less than a breath's time.

Here I was again. Dealing with drunken bastards, and swindling bitches. Disgusting.

But even so, I tended to all of them, no matter how big or small the line was.

_I had to do this._

"'Ey, buddy, can you be any slower?"

I gritted my teeth. "Sir, I'll be with you in a second."

"I want my fucking drink!"

Hand tightened on the drink I was making. "I'll be with you in a moment."

"Honey, I've been waiting for about an hour!"

_Breathe. _"Ma'm, ho-"

Placed a drink in front of a customer.

"Oi, this ain't my fucking drink! What the hell, man?" A drink in my peripheral tipped and swerved. Fell down with a kaboom and splash. "I'm outta here!"

I growled. "Ya want yer drink? I'll give you your fucking drink!" Grabbed the man by his collar.

Stared straight into his beady eyes. "Ah, what'd ya say to me?" he seethed.

Blood. Poured down my hand; I could smell it.

I felt invigorated. Vengeful.

People widened the radius around us.

The stranger cowered in fear.

I tugged at his shirt. Lunged back, only to hear this squeaky voice in my ear, holding my arm in place.

"Please! Don't hurt the customer!" she cried.

Looked to see that the same girl with green hair was pleading with me.

I gazed back at the male beneath me. Loosened my hold on him.

He shoved me away, and I nearly rammed into him again, but that girl held onto my chest.

Left like the coward he was.

Felt myself shaking. Head heated. Skin tingling for fists.

"What's going on here?"

Starrk broke through the crowd. Saw the spectacle that was us.

"What the hell happened, Grimm?"

I glared back at the wood flooring. People stared.

"Uncle Starrk, please don't be mad at him. That man was being rude, and he was only fighting for his pride!" the young girl explained.

Them big-ass boobs said otherwise, though.

"Neliel, don't mix shounen manga with reality," Starrk sighed; scratched at his hair.

"I'm not! I held him back before he could make any other move!" she chirped. Turned to me for back-up. I blinked.

I scratched at my temple sheepishly. Tried to hide the embarrassment with a poker-face.

Grey eyes still trained on me.

_Somehow… they felt nostalgic._

"Grimm, come on now, you know better than to let the anger take control of ya." I saw the disappointment in his eyes.

Steered my eyes to the floor.

"Sorry, I'll try harder next time."

The man merely yawned. Nodded. Trudged back to his other customers.

He probably knew I didn't mean half of the words I said.

But I guess that just went to show how much faith he had in me.

**XXXX**

"Haaaaaaaah…." that Nel girl, or whatever the fuck her name was, blew out a breath of air. A long one. Leaned against the counter. "I'm never working here again." She pouted.

"Well, if you wanna save money for your child, you have to," Halibel informed.

She sighed. "I know."

She sounded defeated. But it had this upbeat tone to it.

More of a whine.

"If you hadn't been sleepin' around, you wouldn't have to be working at all," Starrk reprimanded.

"I wasn't sleeping around! It was, it was just-"

"A spur of the moment kinda thing? Is that what you teenagers say nowadays?" The brunet shook his head in exasperation. "Grimm, did you call it that when you were her age?"

Didn't have time to answer before she did. "Uncle Starrk! I'm getting along fine! I can focus on school _and_ take care of a baby."

Just wiped the glass in my hand without another glance over to the uncle and niece.

"Nel, you're only sixteen. Adolescent girls like you shouldn't have to carry so much baggage so young," Hal informed. Stopped cleaning the fifteenth table she was on.

"Aunt Halibel, like I said I'm fine." And with that, she strutted herself out the door.

I shook my head.

"Ah, she and her little sister drive me crazy, Hal." Starrk wrapped his arms around his wife. Said wife glowered at him.

"Starrk, instead of complaining to me, help out around here," she said in her usual monotonous voice.

"Fine, fine." He didn't sound so thrilled.

"Guess my shift's done here, Starrk, Hal. Night." Stared at my watch. Way past eleven now.

"Oh, wait, Grimm, have a seat for a minute." I raised my eyebrows at him. Strode my way over to a seat on the counter. "Have this. It's on the house." He popped a bottle open. Set it in front of me. Foam formed; heard the hiss of it.

Pushed it away.

"Sorry, I gotta stay away from alcohol."

"Kid, one bottle ain't gonna do ya anything. A few sips won't hurt," he urged. I eyed it cautiously.

Sipped it. Felt the rush of cold beer flow down my throat.

Starrk observed me carefully. "So. Ya got him back, right?"

I would've stared at him longer if he didn't snap his fingers in front of me. "Yeah… I got him back."

"You don't sound thrilled."

"Ya know what's going on. I…" Closed my eyes. Tried to gather my thoughts, but failed in the end.

"Well ya got him now. Don't you think this is the worst time to give up?" I fiddled with my thumbs. "Wait, lemme rephrase that. What are you planning to do _now_ that you got him back?"

I didn't answer. "Ah, I got it. Ya don't know, do ya?" Starrk clicked his tongue.

_Guilty. _

"That's it, then. You gotta figure out what you wanna do." He pointed at me. Don't know if he meant to point it at my heart directly. "Hey, kid, don't stress over it. Most people don't know what to do next when they've finally gotten their goal. It just means you have to make a new one." Patted my shoulder. Slipped the beer from my hands to discard it.

Somehow, I felt weights lift off of me.

Sometimes, I guess Starrk had his moments of wisdom.

"Heh, is that why you didn't leave me advice or anythin' in the journal?" He turned back at me. Smiled.

"Naw, just got tired and didn't feel like going through all of 'em."

**XXXX**

Jiggled the doorknob.

Air condition hit me like a tidal wave. As per usual.

Toed off my shoes. Searched with my eyes for any vibrant orange.

"Ichigo?" I yelled out.

Peered into the kitchen. Living room. Bathroom. Nada.

I opened the bedroom door.

Eyes trained on toned skin, naked and exposed. A body that only ever shed clothes for me.

"Ichi… go?" He turned around. Stared with wide eyes.

…

"Get OUT!" he screamed. Grabbed the towel off of the floor. Fought a deep shade of red on his face.

"What? We're both guys. It's not like one of us has a vagina! Ow! Shit!"

_The fucking prick. _

Threw a book at me.

"Get the fuck out, Grimmjow!" His towel was already beginning to slip.

"All right, all right, shit!" Closed the door behind me. Grabbed onto my teal strands of hair.

Slid down the door, only to find myself chuckling instead of fuming with rage.

_Idiot._

Didn't know if that applied to him or me.

I decided I probably shouldn't be sitting here, laughing to myself.

He'd probably get creeped out by it. The wuss.

Made it into the kitchen, only to be met with an empty fridge.

Sucked on my teeth, trying to find a solution.

_I was hungry, damn it!_

"H-hey." I spun. Gazed at a fully-clothed orangette.

"Oh, hey." He steered his honey eyes to the tiles. Rubbed at his arm nervously. Blush consumed his entire face. I cleared my throat. "Ah, did you eat anythin'?"

If it was even possible, his blush only intensified. "N-not since lunch." I nodded in understanding.

"Let's go to the store," I suggested. Strapped on some scarves. Tugged on my coat.

"What? It's midnight."

"Naw, is it?" I smirked at him. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I'll be back in a second," he informed. Jogged to the bedroom door. "And _knock _before entering if you need anything."

I grinned at him. He blushed.

Smiled to myself.

_Never realized how cute the brat was._

Didn't take long for him to emerge with his cocky self, armed with layers of sweaters, mittens, and a knit-hat. "You're gonna freeze out there with just that."

"What's the matter with what I'm wearing?" he asked. Did a double-take on himself.

"Here." I wrapped one of the coats hanging on the coat rack around him. Opened the door so he couldn't object.

From the shiver he produced, he had no room to argue.

We walked to Urahara's shop.

Silence, like always.

"Oi, switch sides with me."

"Huh, why?" Sometimes I cursed how slow he could be.

I switched sides with him nonetheless, before a car came by.

Would've splashed both of us if I hadn't moved us out of the way. "That's why."

He blinked at me with those long eyelashes.

I forged onward, and he quickly followed. "T-thanks."

I patted his head, an action instead of words.

Bell chimed above us.

"Ah, Grimm- oh, Ichigo! You're back!" Urahara beamed when he spotted the both of us.

"U-Uncle Kisuke!" The man immediately trapped him in his arms, which Ichigo quickly tried to fend off.

"Why are you two here so late? Don't tell me you guys ran out of cond-"

I clapped a hand on his lips.

"No, old man. We just came here for food." He blinked at the both of us like we were the delusional ones.

He slapped my hand with his fan. I released him with a curse.

"Ah, well, do buy whatever you find is useful to you." I nodded in answer.

Then he was off.

I was starting to think Ichigo was running a fever.

The brat blushed too much.

Guess his perverted uncle caused this.

"Hey, what do you wanna eat?" Grabbed a basket from beside me. Scrutinized over the canned foods.

"Um, you can get whatever you want. I'll make it." He avoided my face like I had a huge scar marking me.

"You wanna remember your past, right? The one with me?" I rotated the can of spaghetti in my hand.

My back faced him.

"Y-yeah… I guess." He sounded nervous. But it was honest.

"Well, try to remember what you always bought from here. Maybe it'll jog your memory."

He seemed to consider it. Nodded from what I could tell was him conceding.

He ran through aisles. Tried to find ones he thought were of his taste.

"Oh! Did I buy sashimi a lot?" I stared with a skeptical eye at the glass jar. Couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, not really."

He looked at the jar. Thought.

Then still jammed it into my fingers.

"Well, now I do!" He smiled at me.

Something about it made it so I couldn't say no.

In the end, he never did find any items he used to always buy for us.

Like ramen, sushi, and seaweed.

But that smile…

_I would do anything to keep it there._

We walked back home through the falling snow.

He shivered.

Immediately, my arm shot up so it could wrap around him…

But I fought the urge.

I brought it back beside me.

In his mind, I was probably just an acquaintance.

Not a friend.

Especially not a lover or boyfriend.

"_Most people don't know what to do next when they've finally gotten their goal. It just means you have to make a new one."_

Am I sure about anything?

Probably not.

_I wonder if Ichigo was sure about anything, either._

"Hey, Grimm, let's have sashimi tonight."

I nodded at him.

He smiled.

_What was my new goal now?_

I opened the door for him. Set the plastic bags down on the counters.

Thereafter, he began to prepare our dinner at one o'clock in the morning.

He prepared rice. Unwrapped the seaweed from its packing.

I caught the bandage around his finger. Followed his every movement with it on.

Then he caught me staring.

Smiled.

If anyone fought the urge to smile at him, I don't think they could.

_Hell, even I couldn't._

My goal?

Goal…

_I just want him to be happy._

* * *

**My friend wanted me to write another chappie as soon as possible, so I did :) Oh, I need your opinions x.x I wanna make a playlist for this story on Youtube :D But I want to know if you guys would like that. Like for each chappie, there's a song that would describe the chapter itself. Do you guys think that's a good idea, or would I be wasting my time? :O Your choice.**

**REVIEW, PLEASE. It feeds the typewriter in my head like ink :)**


	6. Chapter 6: Gratitude

**Author's Note: I feel like I'm paying more attention to this fic than my other one T_T**

Lionel**/**Loreto W**/**x615Butterflyx**/**Hazel Grey**/**Narutopokefan**/**ougley**/**azul renge**/**Nekokratik**/**Darkdolly**/**Ninie-san

**I felt like you guys deserved another chappie :) This story is so well appreciated. I'm glad!**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 6: Gratitude]**

* * *

It vibrated and rang.

Rang, and rang, and rang.

I still got pissed off about it.

But at least I didn't throw it at a wall every single time it rang to wake me up in the morning anymore.

I was tired.

Nothing too surprising 'bout that.

Opened the phone. Clicked the alarm off.

Stretched like a cat.

Walked to the bedroom to grab the assembled clothes.

The idiot was still dozing off like a baby.

I smiled. Trudged into the bathroom, clothes in hand.

Changed.

Toasted some bread for myself.

Cocooned myself in winter garment.

Didn't bother leaving the fool some food, 'cause I knew he could handle himself without my horrid culinary skills.

Opened the door, and nearly froze on the spot.

Iced grass crunched beneath my boots.

Wind whipped at my bangs and hood.

The sky, an ominous gray.

The road continued in the path of snow.

As the snow trekked onward, different colors of light glowed atop the heaps.

I followed the directions of light. It came from all around.

Hanging on lamp posts, shining from within buildings, decorating walls.

I wondered why it was brighter than usual this morning.

Shrugged it off, and pushed the door open into Urahara's shop.

"Ah, lovely morning, Grimmjow-kun!" Hats-and-Clogs greeted.

I waved back with a nod.

Went straight to my duties.

The routine.

Manned the cash register, stocked the aisles, swept the place of its grime.

As always, whenever I peered outside the window after my daily patterns of the day, the light from outside grew darker with age.

Only difference 'bout today was that it seemed like people were crowding the streets than the usual.

I arched a brow at that.

Continued sweeping.

Heard the _ding, ding _of the bell above the door.

"Welcome," I greeted with a bow.

"Oh, Grimmjow, good evening. Where's Kisuke?"

Even more unusual.

Yoruichi had come to visit.

She rarely did it. Only came on the weekends, since she was off then.

Was it the weekend already?

Or had I just forgotten?

"Ah, Yoruichi! How wonderful to see you!" the jolly old man chimed.

She strode up to him.

Slapped him across the face, as he fell on his ass.

Rotated her shoulder, and cracked her neck a few times.

"You forgot, didn't you?" she asked. Shook her head in disappointment.

"Of course not! I remembered this year!" he quickly corrected.

"Then hand it over!" she demanded. Palm out.

He dug into his pockets. Fished out a wrapped present. Lent it out to her.

"Good. You got what Jinta wanted, right? We don't want a repeat of last year." She sighed.

"Yeah, I got the right one." He grunted to his feet.

They stared at each other. Silent. Observing.

As if a one-on-one battle.

"Why don't you just go see him? I'm sure he'd want his own father to be there."

The blonde man didn't answer.

"It's already troublesome enough that I have to ship this over to him with your forgetfulness each year." She crossed her arms.

Tapped her foot and awaited his next words.

"Yoruichi, you ask me this every year. And my answer will always be the same. It's either he comes to me or nothing at all."

He walked to his room. Shut the door without a glance back.

Yoruichi sighed. "He always does this. I just don't understand why he can't face his own son."

Scratched at her hair.

"Is he your son, too?"

She locked eyes with me.

Nodded.

Walked to the exit.

"Well, gotta fly. My break ends in about two minutes." She peered at her watch. Clicked her tongue.

As she began to push the door open, she stopped. Looked behind her.

"Oh, and Grimmjow. Merry Christmas."

_What?_

She winked. Left me behind with a broom and the dust.

_Merry what?_

The bell chimed again.

In came the ebony-haired sixteen year old that always took over my shift.

"Oh, merry Christmas, Grimmjow-san." She bowed.

I blinked.

"I'll take over your shift now. Excuse me." I moved to the side.

Blinked again.

Rushed to my locker. Opened it. Stared at today's date on my phone.

_December 25_

_Shit._

_Fucking shit._

"Hey, uh, Ururu, was it?" She nodded. "Is today… Christmas, by chance?"

"Huh? Oh, well, yes," she answered timidly.

I froze then.

Not from the cold.

Not from the snow.

_SHIT._

**XXXX**

I rushed to my anger management class.

Barely spared a glance to Yoruichi.

Entered the room full of assholes trying to lessen their attained titles.

As always, Starrk was later than all of his students.

_I had to get home before midnight._

The room filled with chatter.

Chairs eased back.

It was like high school all over again.

I couldn't help but feel nostalgia every time I sat in here.

The door opened.

In came my lethargic teacher and boss.

"All right, get out them workbooks." He scratched at his ear.

Sat himself behind his desk.

Pages rustled.

Chairs positioned themselves.

"Hitsugaya-kun, read the first question on page 15."

Toshiro Hitsugaya.

He was the most tolerable guy in this class.

A little bit on the short side.

Short fuse.

Made sense.

"What is your way of controlling anger?" he asked monotonously.

Starrk prodded him to answer. Toshiro sighed.

"I… well… I count to ten."

Starrk rubbed his chin in wondering.

Stood. Paced.

"Does it work for you often?" the brunet questioned.

"Usually." Toshiro twirled a strand of his white hair.

"Well, to be honest with you, I find your method useless."

Toshiro's arm-hairs bristled, but his ears perked up to listen.

"We count to ten. Breathe in, breathe out. But we all forget that while we are angered, we are impatient. So do we even know if we're counting fast or slow?" Starrk yawned. "And when we do count to ten, that calmness is temporary. We still feel anger. It still boils beneath our skin, in our cores. For example, what if you were arguing with your brother about who ate the last cookie?"

The man always used abnormal examples I was sure he just pulled right out of his ass.

"Even if _you _are calm, it doesn't mean your brother is. He will continue to accuse you, and he will continue to insult you until you make your admittance. That calmness you've built from those ten seconds will crumble, I guarantee you that. And when it does… your anger is ten times what you had before. Understand?"

The entire class nodded.

A hand shot up in the air.

"Then what would be the better solution?"

Soifon.

Hated that stuck-up bitch.

It was like a stick was shoved up her ass, leaving splinters behind.

"Squeeze something. Not _someone_, all right?"

Few chuckles here and there.

"Most of us, when we're angered, we wanna scream, and we don't know what comes out our mouth. For the more extreme, we wanna hurl things or just hurt someone. When you can have something to abuse, for example, a squishy ball, your anger is focused on it other than punching someone's dick off. Ladies, you can imagine you're squeezing his balls; men, imagine the boobs. Same-sex relationships, think of boobs and/or dicks."

Rest of 'em laughed.

"I'm serious here. I've found this method to be quite successful. Makes ya even crack a smile while arguing, while the other person is left wondering why. A normal human being would think that either you were taking the argument as a joke, or you've gone down the deep end. If you do laugh, it's possible they'll think you're insane, but they'll most likely back off if they think so."

Starrk continued answering questions about different methods.

I zoned out on half of them.

The guy had some experiences, I'll tell ya that.

Then it was time to crack journals open.

This butch-looking chick, Tatsuki, I think, passed them out today.

I opened it. Read beneath what I wrote for December 24.

About how Ichigo and I went shopping.

_About how I realized I just wanted him to be happy._

_If I didn't know any better, I would've thought Shakespeare wrote this. Treat him right, Grimmjow. _

_-Starrk_

Yeah.

I had to treat him right.

Forgetting Christmas, the day of lovers, was not the treatment I had planned.

_December 25_

Looked up at the clock. Saw that it was 7:14.

_7 P.M._

_Got a dilemma._

_Feel like I wanna rip my hair out._

_Pause._

_I'm not good at this._

_I don't think I ever was._

_I said I wanted him to be happy._

_Pause._

_I don't know._

_I don't know._

_Feel like I'm focusing more on my own happiness than I am to his._

I tapped the ballpoint pen on the piece of paper.

Grabbed at my hair.

I was so pissed at myself.

I fucking forgot Christmas.

_Who forgets that?_

The decorations were proof enough.

_Stupid…_

_Stupid, dumb, retarded, stupid, stupid, stupid._

_Breathe._

Closed the journal.

Placed it on his desk.

He looked up at me.

Had those question marks in his eyes.

"This is new. What's the matter?"

Guess he paid more attention than I gave him credit for.

Normally I'd be the last to give my journal.

"Starrk, I'm sorry, but can I ask for a favor?"

"Depends on what it is." He leaned back in his chair.

Rocked a bit.

"I wanna take the night off from the bar, tonight." He stared at me.

Poker face.

Emotionless.

Impassive.

Detached.

He shook his head. "You forgot, didn't you?"

I fought the blush creeping up my neck.

_Damn it._

He sighed. Sat up with a grunt. Stared at me, waiting for an explanation.

"I'll work double time. I'll work as long as you want me to the next nights. Just… not this one."

Stared.

Then nodded as if coming to a conclusion.

"All right. I was expecting this. Hal and I were planning to let you play hooky tonight either way." He stretched.

Rubbed his face of any sleep.

"Okay, ya working elves, time's up. Go enjoy the night with your families, and get home to your lovers. As for you loners, come over to the bar tonight. Everything's fifty percent off. Maybe then you'll meet people."

Everyone stood. Dropped their journals on his desk.

Once empty, Starrk cracked his knuckles. Stood to his feet.

Dug fingers in a pocket. "Here." Lent his hand out, a twenty-dollar bill dangling between his fingers.

I took it, albeit hesitantly.

"Um, thanks."

Felt awkward on my tongue.

Wasn't used to showing gratitude.

Either it was because nobody ever gave me anything.

Or because I just didn't say thanks much at all.

"Consider it a Christmas gift." Yawned again.

Unrolled the bill in my hand.

"Go on then." He cocked his head towards the exit. "Make him happy, champ." Patted my shoulder.

"… Thanks."

**XXXX**

The bags I carried were heavy.

But I didn't give a fuck.

The streets were crowded.

Lights flashed into my eyes.

Nearly blinded the hell outta me.

Music thundered down the streets.

Snow pelted the random bystander.

My arms and legs felt numb.

My chest hurt.

And my throat burned.

It was either from my running, or the cold air.

Maybe both.

I jabbed my keys into the door.

Turned the lock.

Collapsed on the ground. Felt the warmth of the room, shutting the door with a jab of my foot.

I wheezed.

Ichigo ran into my field of vision.

Knelt down beside me.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I looked up at him.

Jammed the plastic bags against his chest.

"For…. you…." I tried to say.

His eyebrows rose.

He peered inside them.

"Come on, let's get you warm." He helped me to stand.

Shifted me over to the couch. Ran to the room only to bring with him heaps of blankets, in which he wrapped me in.

"I'll be right back."

Moments later, he placed bowls of miso soup and rice on the coffee table. Poured water for the both of us.

Placed the bento I had bought minutes earlier at the convenience store down as well.

"Itadakimasu." He clasped his hands together.

I repeated.

Then chopsticks dug into the food with abandon.

Soon enough, the miso soup warmed my body, and my ability to speak was possible.

"I bought some more sashimi if you want some for later."

Tugged on the blanket even tighter. Shivered a bit.

He nodded with a smile. Looked inside the bags I had brought.

Placed the sponge cake I bought in front of us.

Strawberries dotted the surface, and he giggled from the sight.

"I wasn't trying to make a joke out of your name, I promise. It was just the cheapest they had," I quickly tried to amend.

"No, it's fine. I like strawberries."

He sliced it. Gave both of us a piece.

He licked his lips.

And I couldn't stop watching him.

"What?" he asked.

I blinked.

Cleared my throat.

"Uh, here…" I shed the blanket from around me.

Took the other bag into my hands from beside the empty one.

Took out a box.

"What's that?"

I ignored him for a short moment. Ripped the taping from it.

Tugged on the object inside. Situated it in front of an outlet.

Purple, green, red, and blue lights flashed on.

"It's a small Christmas tree."

He scooted over. Observed it with a smile.

"Sorry. I couldn't afford something bigger than this," I apologized.

"No, it's fine." He smiled at me.

Both of us gazed at the Christmas tree.

Heard the noises from outside, but chose to ignore it.

"So, where's my present?" he questioned.

I stilled.

"Ah, shit, I knew I forgot something…" I spoke beneath my breath.

He laughed. "Don't worry about it. This is enough for me. Really. I'm happy with just this."

He looked up at me. Supported his body by leaning on his arm.

Brown eyes locked with blue.

At that moment, I just wanted to reach out to him and bring him close to me.

_Why didn't I do that last year?_

_Or the year before that?_

"Do you usually forget Christmas?" He had this devilish look in his eyes.

_The little bastard._

_He knew all along that I forgot it!_

"No, I don't…" I focused my eyes on the carpet. "Usually… it was you who would do all this stuff. You'd just drag me around town, and we'd…"

He stared at me. Brows furrowed.

Instead of asking more questions, he laughed.

"Geez, Grimmjow. It's like you're the one with amnesia and I'm the one without it! At least I remembered it was Christmas today!" he mocked.

"Sh-shut the fuck up. At least I still remembered in the end," I countered.

He continued to laugh.

Laugh and laugh and laugh.

I wanted to see that forever.

_I wish…_

It was only interrupted by the sound of fireworks behind the blinds.

His ears pricked at the sound.

Rushed over to the window. Rolled the blinds upward.

Indeed, fireworks were creating a blur of colors up in the sky.

"Wow…" he murmured. "Look, Grimmjow! Fireworks!"

_Like it wasn't obvious._

But I just smiled.

At least Ichigo was still his naïve self.

I stood next to him. Watched the fireworks explode and color the world.

And then my attention wasn't on the sky.

It was on him.

And I came to another silly realization.

That _he _was the one that colored _my _world.

Clenched my fists.

Felt like my heart had broken in two just from that realization.

_I found myself realizing a lot of things, lately…_

"Grimmjow?"

"Yeah?" I turned my head towards him.

Felt timorous fingers yank at my shirt's collar.

And then I felt it.

Those warm lips pressed against my cheek.

I relished in the moment.

Felt like my heart was resurrected for the time being, only to decrease in beats until it was normal when he released me from his grip.

We looked at each other.

Stood there for what felt like a million years, and yet if that were the case, I'd still feel like I was alive because he would be the only one to keep my heart beating like this.

I wanted to fucking hit myself with bricks.

The more I thought of loving him, the more I thought of losing him.

"Grimmjow… thank you."

He smiled again.

I couldn't help my next action even if I wanted to.

I rubbed his hair like I always used to.

He didn't flinch from my touch.

"You're welcome."

And then, I came to another realization.

That 'you're welcome' was much more awkward on my tongue than 'thank you' was.

* * *

**I am so sorry it took so long. I just had a writer's block for a time :O But I also relay great news :) (Well, great to me, that is XD) I set up a Tumblr for you guys. That way, you can see the progress of each chapter I'm doing, as well as the stuff I'm doing in my life and what's keeping me busy :D Even if you don't wanna stalk Watch Me Remember or my other stories (or my life), please check it out just for the sake of checking it out XD**

**WWW. curiositykilledkristy. Tumblr. COM **

**I will also post a link on my profile :) Post whatever you guys like (JUST NO ORIHIME OR ANY DISTURBING STUFF O.o), and ask me questions. I promise I'll get to them all :D Oh, and I know I may be asking for much, but please… REVIEW XD**


	7. Chapter 7: Anger

**Author's Note: Sorry, sorry. I know I'm late XD But as always, it's the same excuse. Busy-ness o.o**

**Thank-Woos: **azul renge**/**x615Butterflyx**/**IILesGeMeAuxII**/**OchibiOtaku**/**Guest**/**Loreto W**/**HazelGrey**/**Mayuzu**/**mcpidy**/**Tetsuya9**/**Lionel**/**ougley**/**Nekokratik**/**GreenBunnie**/** 'but nobody knows**/** .cake

**DAAW, you guys are too good to me T-T What should I do to show my love and appreciation? WHY, write another chappie of course XD**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 7: Anger]**

* * *

Sunshine was a bitch.

It creeps in through the smallest of cracks, and when it does, it nearly blinds you.

_Pissed me off._

But of course, the Sun couldn't just up and disappear for my benefit.

So I stood. Stretched.

Checked my phone to realize it was a Monday, and I didn't have to work for Urahara today.

"Oh, you're awake."

I jolted. Spun around.

That was when I noticed Ichigo sitting at the table, sipping on some water.

"You don't have work today?" he asked innocently.

I scratched at my hair. "Nah," I answered with a yawn.

I probably looked like a damn rat right now.

"Hey, uh, wanna go out today?" I hid my crossed fingers behind my back.

He blinked at me. Pondered it for a moment.

"Lemme get some clothes on."

**XXXX**

Decorations were still hanging about like vines.

Still fucking cold.

I'd appreciate the Sun a bit more if it actually provided warmth right now.

Ichigo shivered beside me.

Fought the urge to wrap my arms around him.

I found that with each passing day, it was harder to resist touching him.

Snowflakes collected in his hair. Melted, and absorbed.

My arm shot forth to ruffle with his orange strands.

He jolted from my touch.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, just getting the snow outta yer hair," I explained.

He smiled. Nodded.

"Can we eat in here?"

He looked up at me expectantly.

_Why does he ask me when he gives me no choice?_

Those eyes of his are a sin.

Shouldn't even be legal.

"Yeah," I approved.

He beamed. Pushed the door inside.

The smell of coffee hit me. Small chatter. Rushing waiters and waitresses.

We sat ourselves down at a booth. Ordered.

Coffee was definitely something I needed right now.

Ichigo ate some of his syrupy pancakes. Drank some of his juice.

Frankly, I wasn't that hungry.

Stared out the window at the precipitating snow. At the passersby I'd probably never see again. The bitch-ass Sun.

"Are you happy here?"

Ichigo looked up. My heart felt like it was electrified.

_Had I really asked that? Fuck me._

"Ah, well, ya don't gotta answer that. Just me and my thoughts."

He blinked at me.

Ate some more of his pancakes.

"… I think I am."

_Was he ever gonna stop surprising me?_

He just continued to eat. Sipped on juice. Poured more syrup.

As if he hadn't just said something that fried my heart.

Felt a smile creep on my face. Drank more of my coffee.

When the bill was paid, and our hunger sated, we exited the café.

Turned the street corner.

Ichigo stuffed his hands into his pockets. Tried to warm up, but it was no use.

He looked like he was freezing to death.

"Erm, you wanna go anywhere else?"

He flicked his sienna eyes over at me.

Smiled.

"I think I remember something."

_Thump._

_He…. Remembered something?_

My hands shook.

Heart trembled.

"Yeah, and what's that?"

My voice shook.

_It's just from the cold. Not nervous or anything._

"A bookstore."

Bookstore. Brows furrowed.

"Let's go there, then."

He followed behind me eagerly.

Nice to know that I wasn't the only one excited.

I think I knew what he was talking about.

Near our house.

We entered. Ichigo rather shyly.

His eyes wandered around the place. Took in everything.

The fresh aroma of pages. The hushed whispers. The mic stand, alone on the stage. The strong odor of chocolate and coffee.

"It's…" he began. Tried to recollect as many things as he could.

He closed his eyes. Tried to imagine himself reading any of these inked masses. Any familiar faces.

_Anything at all. _

"Ichigo?"

He brought his head up. Turned his torso to stare at the person who called him.

"Ichigo! It _is _you!"

A man with red, flaming hair charged towards him. Embraced him.

I growled my distaste.

"I was wondering where you'd been all this time! How are you?" the man exclaimed.

Ichigo stared at him with suspicion. Then his eyes widened with dawning.

"R-Renji?"

_Thump._

"Yes, Ichigo. Now do you want the usual or not?"

_Ichigo… remembered him?_

"Huh? The usual?" Ichigo asked.

Renji ruffled his hair.

"Yes. Mocha frappe."

Ichigo smiled wide, nodding his head vigorously.

"Yeah! A mocha frappe!" he shouted out in agreement.

The readers shushed him harshly.

Renji laughed. "Oh, and what would you like, sir?"

My jaw clenched. Hands into fists.

"I don't need anything," I hissed.

The red-head just nodded, and took his place behind a counter. Did all these weird things to make Ichi's drink.

Ichigo gasped.

"This is great, Grimmjow! I just remembered sitting at that same exact counter, drinking mocha frappe!" he elucidated with glee.

I just nodded. Forced a smile.

"Here ya go. Mocha frappe for you." Renji handed him a cup over the counter.

Ichigo sat down. Sniffed it. Drank it.

I breathed through my nostrils.

_Just a drink. Juuuust a drink._

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you come back in about a month or two," Renji asked.

I snarled. "That's none of your concern."

The red-head merely blinked. Cleared his throat.

Ichigo blushed. "S-sorry, that wasn't what he meant. I just got into a bit of complication is all."

Renji just nodded. Smiled.

_I wanna rip his face off._

"Um, I know I haven't been back, but I think there's something different about you," Ichigo noticed.

Renji chuckled.

"Actually, I've dyed my hair. Purple was never my style."

Ichigo smiled. "Yeah, red suits you in some way."

And they bickered back and forth.

Stuff I zoned off on half the time.

I felt sick to my stomach.

I had a headache too.

I ended up buying myself some mocha frappe.

Don't understand why Ichi liked this piece o' trash, though.

Never did like sweet stuff.

Looked at my watch. Noticed that I'd be late for anger management class if I didn't hurry my ass out of here.

_And it'd be a good excuse to leave._

It had been fucking hours since we'd been here.

I let him have his fun.

"Ichigo, come on. Let's go." I grabbed his arm.

He was tugged to his feet.

"Ah, but Grimmjow, I wanna talk to Renji more."

"You can talk to him some other time."

_This meant 'never.'_

"You go ahead, Grimmjow. I know my way back home, so…"

I snarled again.

"Fine. Do whatever the hell you want."

I flung his arm away from me. As if it burned.

But truthfully, his words did.

Then I saw it.

That shocked hurt in his eyes.

That stung me.

_Immensely._

**XXXX**

_December 28_

_6 P.M._

_Pissed._

_Pissed._

_Pissed._

_Pissed._

_I wanna punch him._

_Jab._

_Hit._

_Kill._

I breathed through my nose.

Heavily.

Probably should've listened to the lesson.

But hell, I couldn't even think straight.

_Breathe, you fucker. Breathe._

Somehow, this wasn't helping.

"All right. Hand 'em over. Get some rest, you lot." Starrk yawned.

Stood to his feet.

"Oi, Grimmjow, let's go."

I dropped the journal on his desk.

Traipsed to where he was.

"Here." He lent me a squishy ball.

I blinked.

"Now what's got you up the wall, kid?"

Grabbed the ball. Squeezed it as hard as I could.

We walked out into the hall.

I leaned against a wall adjacent to his.

"I'm frustrated."

"About?" he urged.

I hesitated. Breathed.

"I just don't think I'm cut out for this."

I slid against the wall. Massaged my knees. Ball in hand.

"Hmm…" he thought. "Why do you think that?"

I rubbed my hands together.

Scratched at the nape of my neck.

"All I wanna do is lock him up," clenched my fist, "I don't want him hanging around with other people."

Starrk sighed. Ran fingers through his hair.

"You don't own him, Grimmjow. It hurts to see him walkin' 'round people ya don't know, but that's just how things are. If you obstruct him from everyone, he'll only close in on himself."

"But… I just don't see a life where he's not in it."

I squeezed.

Squeezed and squeezed and squeezed.

Starrk patted my shoulder. Helped me to stand to my feet.

"Do you know him as much as you claim you do?"

I just looked at him. Confused.

"If he put up with ya back then, why wouldn't he now?"

Squeezed.

Stopped.

"Grimmjow, yer changing for this kid. You can't tell me he doesn't see that."

**XXXX**

Starrk's words cleared my head to some degree.

I _am _changing.

I want to change.

I'm going to believe that.

I opened the door to the back.

Took out the trash.

Then halted in my tracks.

Moonlight flooded the empty alley, highlighting white hair.

"Toshiro?" I questioned.

The kid stiffened.

Stopped leaning against the wall. Stuffed his hands into his jacket's pockets.

"W-what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I work here." I sized him up with my eyes.

Saw the cigarette lying lifeless beside his boot. Unlit and unused.

I nodded my head towards it. He swallowed.

"Believe me, don't do it. Once you start, it'll be hard to kick an old habit."

He scoffed.

"What makes you think I'd smoke anyway?"

"The fact that you're considering it," I answered.

Dumped the trash into the dumpster.

**XXXX**

I sighed.

They say that every time you sigh, a little of your soul leaves ya.

_Bullshit._

I'd be dead by now if that were true.

"Well, I'm off, you guys." Nel waved goodbye to us.

Opened the door to leave.

Starrk drank more of his scotch.

"I hope your sister's watching over 'em," he said.

"Mila Rose will take care of your nieces, Starrk. She has vowed to do so, and will," Halibel promised.

"Yeah, well, Nel being pregnant is leaving me a little apprehensive."

"Nel is a strong girl; she can make it through this, Starrk." Halibel approached him.

Wrapped her arms around her husband, kissing his cheek.

"Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow night." I figured it was time for me to leave, anyway.

I exited. Turned the corner to go into a store.

Didn't want to go see Ichigo yet.

I still have to think of a way to apologize to him.

It didn't help how I disrespected his 'friend.'

It pissed me off.

_Pissed._

_Pissed._

_Pissed._

But like Starrk said, I didn't own him.

And that made me think, _had I ever owned him before?_

What if Ichigo had left that night because he wanted to be with someone else?

The thought petrified me.

I could handle him leaving me because of my idiocy.

But not for someone else.

_Anything but that._

I bought myself some soda.

I bought his favorite.

I wasn't particularly in love with Ichi's brand of soda.

But hopefully it could spark up a memory involving it.

_A memory with me in it._

I sighed.

_Am I changing?_

Is it an illusion?

A lie to make myself feel better?

I don't know.

And frankly, I didn't want to know.

And then I laughed.

_Stupid Ichi._

The only one to make me over-think things while walking back to wherever.

"Stop it…"

I stopped. Ears perked up.

I looked around me.

Wondered if that plea was just a production of my mind.

I would've continued if not for the scream I heard.

I jogged towards the sound.

"Please, stop it…"

_Nel?_

I stopped.

Saw the spectacle before me.

This tall, lanky male held her by the neck.

Growled in her face.

"You're planning to fucking have it? _Fuck, _Nel. I didn't know you were so goddamn stupid," he hissed at her.

"I-it's wrong to kill anyone, even if it's not born yet," she tried to say.

He chuckled darkly. "That's such a stupid reason you've come up with. If you hadn't opened your legs, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe this wouldn't have happened to _us._" He tightened the grip 'round her neck.

"Nnoitra- stop…"

"We had potential, babe. But now you've screwed it up-"

I growled eminently.

He grew rigid.

"I'll give you three seconds to let her the fuck down."

* * *

**Whoo! Yeah! Done! XD Well, I'm probably going to get a lot of hate mail for this o-o the sucky pace of this chappie, the cliffhanger AND bringing Nnoitra into it? I expect a lot of disapprovals T.T Well, see ya, ma KITTIES 8D Review, please?**


	8. Chapter 8: Tears

**Author's Note: Back wif another :3 Ugh, the number 3 reminds me of ball sacks o-o Anyone else get reminded? No? Never mind then O_O**

**Thank-Woos: **HazelGrey**/**Loreto W**/**x615Butterlyx**/**OfeliaWolf**/**Dark. Heart 'but nobody knows**/**azul renge**/**Mayuzu**/**RaidenNakamura**/**ougley

**Thanks SO much you guys :D Onwards!**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 8: Tears]**

* * *

He looked at me.

Startled.

Puzzled.

Amused.

"Heh, and what're you gonna do about it?"

There was no minute wasted. My foot pushed off. Arm raised only to knock onto a stubborn jaw.

He crashed into a wall. Fell into a heap of trash.

Fucking bastard deserved it.

Heard Nel coughing behind me.

Didn't spare to look at her.

Only focused my energy on the motherfucker who thought he could harm a pregnant girl.

"Stand up. I'm pissed off," I commanded.

Fucker had the nerve to smile. Blood collected at his lip.

"Che, what? You her new guy now?"

I narrowed my eyes. Forced him to stand, my fist wrapped around his shirt's collar.

"It doesn't concern you what I am with her," I seethed.

I punched him.

Punched him and punched him and punched him.

"Grimmjow, please, stop!"

She gripped onto my arm.

Pleaded for me to end this bastard's suffering.

Her grey eyes began to water.

Tears fell down my arm.

And I stopped.

Threw him away like some common piece of shit.

_I want to keep hitting him._

Hit him until he died.

He didn't deserve to live.

_He didn't._

"If you wanna fucking live, I suggest you leave within five seconds," I growled.

He flinched. Stood to his feet wobbly.

Glared at the crying girl. Stomped his way out.

My head felt hot. My chest rose and fell. My fist pounded onto a brick wall until it bled.

Bled till all my anger was gone.

"G-Grimmjow-san, are you… okay?"

I spun my attention on her. Saw the remains of tears dried on her cheeks.

"Yeah… I'll take you home."

She didn't argue.

We continued to walk in silence.

The moon was a quarter tonight. Still shone bright.

Few streetlamps lit the path, but besides that, it was an eerie night.

Still fucking cold.

I heard her shiver beside me.

I sighed. Unwrapped my jacket.

Lent it towards her.

She looked at it fazed.

Sighed again. "Take it."

She blinked. Waved her arms in denial of my suggestion. "No, you've already done enough, Grimmjow-san."

"You do realize that you're carrying a life besides your own, right? So take the fucking jacket."

She pouted but conceded nonetheless.

Goose bumps rose on my arms.

My stupid sweater wasn't doing me justice.

But I wouldn't allow myself to succumb to such coldness.

Just ignored it to my best abilities.

I looked at her.

She looked…

Saddened.

_Betrayed._

I clenched my fists.

Her tear treks were still present, some snow particles landing on her cheek, dissolving it.

Formed a drop to make it look like she was crying silently.

I looked down at the ground. Noticed that some grass poked out from beneath the cracks of the sidewalks.

"… Sorry. I know I got carried away…"

She gazed up at me.

Smiled.

"It was okay, Grimmjow-san. Thank you. If you weren't there… I don't think it would've survived." She rubbed at her belly.

I noticed the round lump. Bristled at the fact that I hadn't taken note of it sooner.

"H-how long have you had that kid?"

She smiled. Continued to rub at it. "Three months…"

She smiled even bigger.

I wondered why.

That baby…

It came from that disgusting bastard.

_How could she be happy if she knew that it came from him?_

I sighed. Realized that my warm breath caused fog to appear.

_Why was she happy?_

"Grimmjow-san, is something wrong?" She peered up at me.

Grey eyes reflected me in them.

I swallowed. Continued to trek onwards, only realizing now that I had stopped walking a while ago.

"I'm fine. Is your house nearby?"

"Yes. Around this corner."

And we rounded said corner.

A bright house greeted us. So bright that I could feel the warmth.

"Um, would you like to come inside?" She opened the gate.

Held it open for me.

"I-I can give you tea or something. Please; I'd just like to show you my thanks."

I agreed.

I wouldn't deny a free offering. And besides, she seemed set on me coming in anyway.

She unlocked the door with a key she retrieved from a pocket.

She let the both of us in. Shoes were toed off.

"Nee-chan?" I heard someone call.

A little girl, seemingly about twelve to thirteen appeared in front of us.

Neon, green hair stopped just above her shoulders. A purple eye blinked back at us, the other eye covered by an eye patch.

"Oh, Lilynette, how come you're not sleeping yet?" Nel asked.

"I was waiting for you to come home. The T.V. station's replaying Don Kanonji's new episode right now!"

The kid hauled Nel away. Sat her down in what I was sure was in the living room.

"Lily, calm yourself. It's late at night, and you don't want the neighbors to hear you," a voice boomed beside me.

A woman that looked much like Yoruichi and Halibel trotted down the stairs. Crossed her arms.

"Aunt Mila Rose, it's fine! The neighbors won't do anything!" that girl squealed, waving her hand nonchalantly.

Her aunt just sighed. Fixed her light-green eyes onto me.

"Who are you?" she hissed.

Probably thought I was Nel's paramour or some shit. Considered that maybe she was cold to other guys 'cause of that bitch that knocked Nel up.

But even so, my anger flared at the tone she took with me.

"Ah, this is Grimmjow. Aunt Mila Rose, Grimmjow-san. Grimmjow-san, Aunt Mila Rose." The woman still glared at me. I stared right back with the same flames in my eyes.

"Aunt Mila Rose, please. He means no harm to him. I just invited him in for some tea…"

I raised an eyebrow at that.

_She didn't mention that ex of hers meeting heads with her._

Mila Rose crossed her arms. Eyed me up and down.

That irked me.

She sighed. "All right. I'm going to bed. There's some leftovers in the fridge if both of you get hungry. Good night."

The dark beauty kissed Nel's forehead, proceeding to do the same with Lilynette who wasn't so pleased with it.

"Um, I'll brew us some right now. Can you wait for a while?" Nel asked.

I nodded.

"Oh, and please. Make yourself at home."

Immediately, she scurried into the kitchen.

I roamed my eyes around me.

Noticed that the place was decorated in the style of Americans, not the Japanese.

Then I felt it.

A stare directed at me.

That girl, Lily or whatever, leaned her chin over the couch, her eye scrutinizing me.

"Are you after my sister, too? 'Cause if you are, she's pregnant."

_Too?_

My eyebrows rose at that.

"No. I just work with her."

The girl pouted.

"They always say stuff like that," and with that, she turned back to her show.

After that, no sound came but from the T.V.

I sat down. Whirred my eyes around my surroundings.

Then it landed somewhere it probably shouldn't have.

A picture of Starrk, a woman I didn't know, and Nel and her sister when they were much younger.

I looked closer.

I had always thought Starrk and Halibel had been together for a long time.

But wait…

_That wasn't Starrk._

It looked like it.

But it wasn't.

"Those two are my parents."

I jumped. Rotated to see Nel holding a tray of tea.

"Looks like Uncle Starrk, right?" she giggled.

"But it's not," I disagreed. She nodded.

"Yes. My mother and father… they died in a car crash a long time ago. That's how I got this scar," she lifted a strand of her bangs; pointed to a jagged, healed wound that ran from her forehead to the side of her nose, "and how Lily lost sight in one eye."

She stared at the tea tray in her hands.

Melancholy, gray eyes.

"After that, Uncle Starrk took care of us. Thereafter, he married Aunt Halibel, and Aunt Mila Rose suggested we stay here." She smiled at the thought.

Kept smiling.

And jolted back to life. Giggled.

"Oh, sorry. Got carried away." Giggled again. "Let's go sit down at the dinner table."

And we did.

It was silent.

Peaceful.

She talked about her parents more.

That it was Starrk's brother who was in that picture.

How she had forgotten who her mother was through the accident.

She only remembered the face.

Not the name.

That she didn't want to remember her mother's maiden name.

_Because if she didn't remember who her mother was, it would be much less painful._

Heh.

_You and I both._

**XXXX**

I continued home.

Realized that the clock's arms were nearly striking the number two.

Ichigo was probably asleep already.

_And damn, I dropped the sodas in that alley._

A freezing wind picked at my hair.

I wrapped the jacket even more tightly 'round me.

Seemed snow was picking up, so I jogged the rest of the way.

My chest and throat burned, but hell, I didn't want to freeze to death either.

Faster than I had expected, I was at home.

Wheezing and freezing.

"Ichigo… I'm home!" I called out.

Nothing answered me but the echo of my voice.

I grinned.

_Moron was probably dozing off like a baby already. _

I shoved my shoes off.

Hung my jacket.

Brushed my teeth.

_Shit, I need to change clothes._

I opened the door into what used to be our room together.

And I saw that familiar lump beneath the blanket.

As I expected, he was smiling like an idiot even when in slumber.

I chuckled to myself.

Grimaced when the thought came across that I was giggling to myself like a fucking girl.

He was the only one to make me react like this.

I rubbed my cheeks.

Tried to diminish what was probably the hugest blush in my life.

Then I looked back at his sleeping face.

_At his lips…_

I hadn't kissed him for months now…

_And I was beginning to forget how he tasted and felt._

I thought.

Thought and thought and thought.

He was asleep… right?

And he wouldn't remember anything, much less _feel _anything.

_Right?_

I lowered myself next to him.

Saw that huge grin on his face.

Brought a grin on mine.

I rubbed the pad of my thumb over his bottom lip.

Dry.

Yet, soft.

_I'm only doing this because… I don't want to forget his lips._

That was the only thing.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I felt his steady breathing hitting the tip of my thumb.

Neared him until there was no room to even swallow air.

_Stared at closed lids._

And just to make it seem real…

_I closed my eyes too…_

I could nearly feel his top lip brushing mine.

Inhaled the scent that was Ichigo.

_What once was mine…_

Brows furrowed.

_If I went through with this… how the hell was I supposed to stop?_

Could nearly feel his bottom lip nick my own…

My breaths were shaky as fuck.

_I… just want this to be something that was a daily occurrence._

Where I didn't have to beg on my knees to whatever fucking god was out there for his memory to return.

Where I didn't have so much frustration trying to keep my hands away from him.

_Where I didn't have to sneak kisses just to feel him one more time._

"What are you doing?"

Blue eyes emerged from beneath olive-toned lids. Navy blue locking with specks of honey-brown and orange flecks.

I pushed off of the bed like I just fucking tugged by a rope. Heart beat so incredibly fast that I could just collapse right here, _right now._

Ichigo backed himself against the bed. Stared with bewildered eyes.

"G-G-Grimmjow! Were you just about to _kiss me?_" he asked with disbelief.

"F-fuck no! I-I was just-"

_Making a fool of myself._

"What the hell, Grimmjow? I was _asleep_, while you were trying to cop a feel on me!" he shrieked.

"A-all right, just calm the fuck down!"

"Calm the fuck- do you _expect _me to calm down after that? After what happened today, I am entitled to be pissed off! This adds more to the list!" he continued to rant on. "Do you know how hurt I was, when yo-you pushed me away like that at the library?"

Brown eyes spoke of pain. Of worry.

"Grimmjow… I'm so sorry… I just- this situation… it's hard to accept as my reality." He paused.

Took a breath.

_My heart felt like it was breaking._

_Crumbling._

"I try… and try to remember who you are. Why I did all of this. Why it's ending up hurting you instead of helping you. I…"

I waited.

And waited.

"Tell me what I can do to set things right for you…"

And when he looked up… I froze.

Tears swam in his eyes. Filled to the brim until it cascaded down his cheeks.

"Ichi…" I muttered.

"I don't-" _Hiccup. _"I keep hurting you. I can see it in your eyes, and… I wish that I can just love you the way I used to. But I can't… and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

He continued to cry.

And cry.

And cry.

Ichigo, tell me what _I'm _supposed to do…

_What am I supposed to do when you're like this, Ichigo?_

"I don't know how to react to you. I-" _Hiccup. _"One minute you're mad, the next you're hurt. I-I don't know why… but it hurts me too…"

Tears kept falling. Over and over again.

"So, _please._ Just tell me what I'm-"

He stopped.

Grew stiff.

Felt my arms wrapped around him so tight. And the words fell freely from my lips…

"Don't cry anymore, Ichigo."

* * *

**Ah, well, lots of hate mail for this too o-o I mean, I left off on a part that's so important! XD Ah, well, have a nice night you guys ;) Go to bed with your lovers (or imaginary lovers), or do your homework. Please review :)**


	9. Chapter 9: Snow

**Author's Note: Well, it's as I had feared :( School will take up my time once again. I apologize from here on out. I know my updates will be slower :O But I will continue, I promise :D (As long as I'm able to see the screen T_T)**

**Thank-Yous: **Loreto W**/**Mayuzu**/**amethystblossom**/**OchibiOtaku**/**azul renge**/**HazelGrey**/**AI**/**Guest**/**Dark. Heart 'but nobody knows**/**OfeliaWolf**/**ougley**/**mcpidy**/**Recklessly Impulsive**/**Syolie**/**RaidenNakamura**/**x615Butterflyx

**Omagosh, you guys :D I'm almost to 100 reviews! Thank you guys so much :) I'm not even halfway done with this story, and it's reached so many reviews already. This has never happened to me :D And I apologize to the people who may have their names misspelled on the Thank-You Wall :( Sometimes, FF changes how they're spelled, and I can't do anything about it :O Just tell me if your username isn't correct, and I promise, I'll try to fix it :)**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 9: Snow]**

* * *

"G-Grimm…?"

I held onto him. Nearly crushed him. Buried my head on his shoulder.

"Ichigo… don't cry… Not for me…"

My lips felt numb.

Dry.

"… Not for my sake."

I could smell him.

That familiar vanilla scent. His strawberry shampoo.

_I felt…_

He stayed still.

Over-thought everything.

Tried to make sense of whatever it was that was happening right this moment.

Truthfully, I didn't know either.

_Did I want to?_

"W-what do you mean… for your sake?" he stuttered.

I closed my eyes. Brows furrowed.

_Feelings overwhelming me._

_"You don't own him, Grimmjow. It hurts to see him walkin' 'round people ya don't know, but that's just how things are. If you obstruct him from everyone, he'll only close in on himself."_

I had no fucking right.

_"This is great, Grimmjow! I just remembered sitting at that same exact counter, drinking mocha frappe!"_

He was so happy…

He had remembered that little piece of who he was…

_When he was with me…_

And here the fuck I am.

The person who could tell him everything of who he was, letting him remember everything on his own.

_Not willing to tell him every fucking detail…_

_Because…_

"Ichigo… you left me…"

The words felt foreign to me.

Felt like a stranger on my tongue.

"W-what are you talking about, Grimmjow?" he asked, bewildered.

I swallowed.

Embraced him even tighter.

_I don't want him to leave._

"The day you got into that car accident…"

_I don't want him to leave… me…_

"Was the day after you left me…"

He stiffened even more.

Gasped.

"I… left you?"

I remained still.

Unmoving.

Heartbeat so immensely fast it would rival that of a hummingbird's wings.

"Wait… so… we aren't together?"

He pushed me away.

My heart slowed.

_Painfully slow._

Tears kept falling.

He continued to sniff.

Continued to hiccup.

"So all this time… I was never supposed to love you?"

_Gunshots. _

_Rain pelting at me._

_Coldness._

"That wasn't the case…" I growled.

_Hoped that he had never stopped._

"Grimmjow… _why? Why _do you decide to tell me this now?" he sobbed.

Grabbed at his hair.

A few strands fell from his scalp.

Pulling so hard.

"Because it's not my right to keep it from you. I don't own those memories…"

I looked away.

Stared at a ground that wasn't even fascinating.

"I don't own _you…_" My throat felt constricted.

Deprived of any air inhalation.

Either it was because I really couldn't breathe.

Or it was because I wasn't allowing myself to.

He cried into his hands.

And all I wanted to do was hold him.

Something I had never done in the past before.

Something I wanted to do now.

"Why?" _Hiccup. _"Why did I leave?"

He grasped onto his forehead.

As if that would help him remember an ounce of that night.

_A night I wanted to forget and discard from my mind._

"You were tired of me…"

I bit my lip.

Hands nearly bled from my nails embedding themselves into the palms.

His eyes widened.

Eyes filled with dawning.

He shifted his eyes to the carpet beneath his feet.

His brows furrowed.

Tears fell from his eyes without his consent.

"Grimmjow…" He looked up at me.

Stared into my eyes.

And I saw a face that recognized me.

_And a face I was familiar with._

"I-I gotta go…"

He walked past me.

Opened the door out of the bedroom.

Grabbed a jacket.

Slammed the door out of the apartment.

I didn't stop him.

_I had no will to try._

**XXXX**

The morning after.

I blinked my eyes apart.

Cursed the fucking Sun.

Rubbed my face.

_Looked around._

Ichigo still wasn't here.

It was a Tuesday.

No Urahara Shoten today, either.

I sat up.

Ruffled through my hair.

I had stayed up.

Waited for him to come home.

But he never did.

_And hadn't now._

I ate.

Cereal.

It felt soggy in my mouth.

Showered.

The water was colder than usual.

Changed into comfortable clothes.

A tag on the shirt dug into my back.

_Today was shit._

**XXXX**

_Ya can't make someone else happy if you're not yourself- Starrk_

I stared at his handwriting.

Stared at the meaning behind his words.

How the hell was _I _supposed to be happy…

_Without Ichi around?_

_December 29_

_6 A.M._

_I don't know what I'm supposed to do._

_I'm angry at myself. _

_I'm angry at him for leaving._

_Breathe._

_Breathebreathebreathe._

…

_I messed up._

"Hand 'em journals over. I'm running a tight ship tonight."

Starrk yawned.

Stretched.

I smothered my face into my hands.

Rubbed at tired eyes.

Massaged a stressed forehead.

"'Ey, Grimm. Let's go."

I glanced upwards.

Blinked.

Sighed.

"… Sorry, Starrk. Can I walk to work today?"

He raised an eyebrow at that.

"Sure, kid. Just get there in time."

Walked out.

I sighed again.

Felt the corners of my lips descend.

_Fuck…_

I stood up.

Left the empty classroom.

I waved to Yoruichi.

Exited the building.

Stood there.

_Guess I'd better start walking._

"Um, Grimmjow?"

I halted.

Twisted my head to the side.

Saw the setting sun highlighting white strands of poking hair.

"Toshiro?"

He cocked an eyebrow at that.

"It's Hitsugaya," he hissed.

I ignored the tone. "What do you want?"

He twisted a dangling strand of hair.

I caught the slight blush on his face.

He tugged on a plastic bag in his hand.

"My sister made too much to eat. We can share."

I scoffed. "What? You think I'm that dirt poor or somethin'?"

"N-no! I just- do you want it or not!"

I grinned. "I got a little bit of time. Hand it over."

He hefted all of the items out.

Sat on a bench.

Ate silently.

"Is-is it good?"

I stared at the sushi between the chopsticks.

"I'll fuckin' eat anythin'. It doesn't need to taste good."

"I was just asking!" he huffed.

I continued to eat.

He remained immobile.

"Um… thanks."

I swallowed another ootoro. "For what?"

"You told me not to smoke," he answered with nonchalance.

"Heh, anyone would've."

"I disagree. If anyone just saw a teenager on the side of an alleyway, holding a pack of cigarettes, they'd think he was troubled. They wouldn't spare to even look at him." He crossed his arms. Kept his eyebrows knitted together.

"You talk like ya got the world on yer shoulders."

"It doesn't matter how I talk. I just wanted to show you my thanks. I don't like owing people."

"You didn't owe me to begin with."

He blushed.

"W-well, I felt it would be right to do something."

I chuckled. "So you wanna do somethin'? For me?"

"If it's something reasonable."

I grinned.

Placed the empty bento beside me.

Grin disappeared.

"Gimme advice. You seem like a smart kid."

He seemed skeptical, but nodded nonetheless.

"Let's say you don't want someone to remember a certain memory. If you tell 'em, you could lose 'em. But if you don't, you're just livin' a lie." I could see the gears working in his brain. His lips bunching up into a ball. "What would be the better thing ta do?"

His answer was instant. "Neither."

My eyebrows rose.

"Why the hell's that?"

"Well, you should tell them either way. But, the outcome doesn't have to be the same. I think once it's out of the way, you can stop focusing on the past memories, and focus on making new ones," he said oh-so-matter-of-factly.

_Little bastard._

I grinned.

Ruffled his hair.

"Ah, ya _are _a smart kid."

"Stop calling me a kid! I'm seventeen, and should be treated as such!" He swatted at my hand.

Brought a smile on my face.

"Well, gotta go. Work."

He nodded. Packed the bento.

_Share food my ass._

He didn't even touch one thing in that lunchbox.

**XXXX**

Made it to work.

Greeted the usual people there.

Tended to the customers.

It was a slow night.

Something I needed.

I walked Nel home again, despite the fact that she complained.

Walked back home.

Only to find out that Ichigo still wasn't back.

**XXXX**

The moment I woke up, I realized that I didn't have an ounce of energy to go to work.

But, hell, I needed money for rent.

So I stood.

Ate.

Took a shower.

Dressed with the clothes I prepared myself the night before.

Then I was in front of the bedroom door.

Hesitated.

Decided not to open it.

**XXXX**

I looked outside the window.

It was already the setting Sun.

I sighed.

Took my phone out of the locker.

The bell dinged above my head, as I exited Urahara's Shop.

"Good luck, Ururu," I greeted the teenager.

She nodded.

And I continued walking.

I knew that if I walked to class, I'd be one hour early.

But fuck, I didn't have anything else to do.

I was beginning to get used to being frustrated over Ichigo's disappearance.

_I wonder where he went._

_I wonder if he's okay._

_I wonder…_

_If he hates me._

I shook my head.

Scattered the thoughts.

I had better things to think about.

It didn't always have to lead back to him.

But of course it fucking would.

"G-Grimmjow?" I stopped.

Turned around to glare at the person.

This had been happening a lot.

And I was getting pissed about it.

"_What_?" I hissed through gritted teeth.

Then my eyes widened.

"I-Ichigo…"

He looked as surprised as I felt.

"Uh… Well, fine. If you're busy, we don't have to talk." He began to turn.

Without even thinking about it, my arm grabbed onto his jacket's sleeve.

_The same jacket he left with._

"Where have you been?"

He didn't answer. Didn't look at me.

"I need to show you something."

I narrowed my eyes at that.

At how simple it sounded.

But even then, I let him lead me.

We walked for a while.

Stepped upon a neighborhood I wasn't familiar with.

In front of a house that I had never fucking seen.

He knocked on the door.

Seconds passed.

The door opened.

A kid of about sixteen opened it. Had red hair gelled back.

He looked like a brat.

"Oh, Uncle Ichi, you're back."

"Where are you going, Jinta? You look like you're trying too hard to look good," Ichigo joked.

"Shut the hell up. This is how I normally look."

This kid was full of it.

"Can you tell Dad that I'm leaving now?"

Ichigo blinked.

"Ah, sure."

"See ya, losers."

_Jinta?_

"Isn't that Urahara's son?" I pointed my thumb behind me.

"Huh? No. That's Urahara's grandson." Ichigo ticked an eyebrow at that.

_What? _

I was fucking sure that I heard Yoruichi right on Christmas day.

"Oh, Ichigo, you're back."

I looked up.

"I can't believe you and Jinta _both _dyed your hair." Ichigo shook his head in disbelief.

_Why the hell was Renji here?_

"What can I say? We both hated purple." He shrugged. "And Grimmjow, it's nice seeing you again."

He lent out a hand. I glared at it.

Renji slowly backtracked. Chuckled nervously. "I think we started off on the wrong foot. I'm Renji, Ichigo's cousin."

I stared.

Blank.

_Cousin…_

_He's the fucking cousin…_

"You don't have to feel threatened or anything. Even if I _weren't _Ichigo's cousin, I still wouldn't hit on this guy."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Ichigo glowered at him.

"It means I'm not gay, I'm straight."

Then they began to talk.

And talk.

Now and then, I'd be brought into it.

But I always answered with one-liners.

I still didn't like him.

That Jinta kid returned a while after.

And I noticed an hour had passed.

_Goddamn it._

I'd be late for anger management.

"Um, I'll walk you there, Grimmjow," Ichigo suggested.

I didn't deny him that.

The walk didn't go on long enough as far as I had hoped.

_Time was so easy to kill when he was around._

"U-um… We're having a little party for New Year's Eve tomorrow… Would you like to come?"

He had this hopeful look in his cinnamon eyes.

I smiled.

"Sure."

He beamed.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

I was sure that Renji bastard would be there.

But hell, I would go anywhere for Ichigo.

And the moment I walked inside the building, I realized I hadn't asked a single fucking thing of what happened to him the past days.

_FUCK me._

**XXXX**

Starrk had forgiven me for my lateness.

The reason was pretty fucking reasonable.

Turned out I didn't have work for him today either.

And when I walked outside, there was barely any room to move.

People crowded everywhere.

Heard a band somewhere nearby.

_Fuck._

Still had to buy something for Ichigo.

But how the hell was I supposed to with all these shitty people forming throngs?

And when I _did, _it took me about a fucking half of an hour.

Good thing Urahara's shop was still opened.

I bought a bottle of sake in just the nick of time.

Now the real challenge was getting to that bastard's house.

With all these people here, I'd have no fucking clue where to go.

And then I felt it.

The first traces of snow shoot at my cheek.

I looked up.

Searched the skies.

And I cursed at it.

It was going to snow here quickly.

The people began to disperse.

But there was no fucking room, so everyone was jostling back and forth.

"Shit…" I muttered under my breath.

It was getting colder.

Colder and colder.

This was insane.

I began to jog once I was out of that shitty crowd of body heat.

Searched for the fucking house.

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

Where the hell was that house?

I didn't remember a dog when we passed through this sidewalk.

The snow was only piling up more.

I pulled the jacket around me even tighter.

My hands were frozen.

My face, too.

My knees were growing weaker, running through this precipitation.

Then I slipped.

Just my fucking luck.

Fortunately, the sake glass didn't break from the impact.

I looked through all of the houses.

Light was barely noticeable anywhere.

_Where the fuck was that house?_

_Where…_

"Grimmjow!"

I whipped my head behind me.

Saw an approaching figure.

_Ichigo?_

"Come on. Come with me!" he began frantically.

He wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

Brought me up from my feet.

_He felt warm._

I leaned towards him.

But as always, it was short-lived.

The warmth of the house hit me when we entered.

The aroma of food was even stronger.

"Ichigo, what happened?" Renji asked with panic.

"I think he's been out there in the snow for a while. I'm gonna take care of him for now."

_I felt worthless. _

I wanted to punch Renji for looking at me with that sympathizing look in his beady, red eyes.

I was spared looking at him, when Ichigo tugged me into a certain room.

I shivered, the temperature of the room contrasting with my current heat.

Or lack thereof.

"L-lay down for now. I'll be back with a wash cloth." He charged out.

Left me to sit on the bed, shivering to fucking death.

I rubbed at my arms.

That didn't help shit.

I looked around me to distract me from my predicament.

The room was lightly decorated.

A bed. A full-length mirror. A drawer. A computer.

_So this was where he was staying all this time._

I fiddled with my thumbs.

"Back. Um, just lie down." He pushed me down gently.

Placed the steaming bowl on his bedside table. Wrung the wash cloth.

He wiped my face with it. My forehead. Temples. Cheeks. Nose.

He patted my dry lips gently.

A brief moment of silence passed.

He cleared his throat. Placed the wash cloth on my forehead to heat me up.

"U-um, sorry. I should've come sooner to get you."

"No, it's fine." My voice was hoarse.

He blushed deeply. Turned away from me.

"Um, can you take off your clothes?" he asked timidly.

I raised my eyebrows at his request.

"D-don't think anything perverted! I'm not meaning it in that way. I-I know how to warm you up properly, so just do it."

I sighed.

Shed my shirt and pants off. Left my underwear on for his sake.

"A-are you done?"

"Yeah." I threw the clothes beside the bed.

He nodded, head still turned away from me.

His flush grew into a scarlet red.

"Close your eyes!" he demanded.

"Uh, all right."

Closed them.

Heard him move around on the bed. The rustle of clothes.

Felt a warm arm slide over my chest. It shyly gripped me tightly.

I opened my eyes.

Saw that his head of tangerine hair was situated on my chest. I felt his leg wrap around my own.

Bare skin. Excluding that of our underwear.

"D-don't laugh. This _does _work. I-I'm just trying to help you."

_If he stayed this fucking close to me… _

_NAKED…_

I have no fucking idea what he was thinking.

"Can you just… stay here?"

My questions always came out without me reviewing them whenever he was involved.

He nodded.

I hoped he didn't hear my heartbeat.

But that blush said otherwise.

Or maybe it was because I had no clothes on.

"Can I… hold you?" I swallowed.

I knew he was pondering it.

Though his eyes weren't on me.

"Yeah… you can."

* * *

**I gave you guys a LONG chappie :D Hopefully, this will be okay for now. I know that my next update won't come as fast as usual :( But hopefully, I didn't kill you guys with the fluff ^-^ Review, please. And everything of what happened to Ichigo for the past few days will be answered in the next chappie :x**


	10. Chapter 10: Memories

**Author's Note: Back, my kitties! :D And **x615Butterflyx**, I promise, I WILL make that one-shot of yours :D Just been a bit busy :\**

**Thank-Woos: **Loreto W**/**Lionel**/**AmbieLovina**/**Mayuzu**/**ougley**/**azul renge**/**OchibiOtaku**/**x615Butterlyx**/**RaidenNakamura**/**Suckerpunch15**/**Platoniclus Nue**/**JGranger21

**I've finally reached 100 on this story T_T Thank you to all of you :D And **JGranger21**, don't worry :O More stuff will be explained of our couple's past :D You just gotta wait for it ;)**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 10: Memories]**

* * *

My arm slid around his body.

Felt the smooth expanse of skin on his hip.

He shuddered from my cold clutches.

"Sorry. I know I'm freezing right now."

He blushed. "It's fine."

We stayed like that.

No words.

No movements but our breathing and blinking.

Maybe the beating of our hearts, too.

I had so many questions for him.

All those thoughts that had been pissing me off these past days.

They wanted out.

But I had no idea how to put them in words.

"I'm sorry."

I jolted. Stared at his apricot spikes.

"What do you mean?" I asked with disbelief.

"I ran away when I shouldn't have…"

He sounded guilty.

Saddened.

"No… I think if you hadn't gone, things wouldn't have gotten better."

He snickered.

"Things are… _better?_" he asked.

I chewed on my cheek.

"Well, better than they have been in a while."

I placed my chin on his head.

Felt him tuck himself next to me even further.

Began to relax.

"I missed this…"

I swallowed.

Knew that once I had gone and said it, there was no turning back.

He sighed.

I didn't want to know why.

_Maybe it would hurt me._

_Or maybe he would say something that would make my heart palpitate, and then die._

"If I were in your shoes, I'd probably miss it too… But I just don't know what to miss…"

His breath tickled my chest.

Heated my skin.

I blinked.

Pondered things and how they would go.

"You know… You could ask me everything that we did. It wouldn't hurt me," I assured him.

He looked up at me; craned his head to stare.

"Really?"

He sounded pretty surprised.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, s'not a big deal."

He quirked his lips to the side.

Thought.

"Did we fight a lot?"

I steered my eyes to the carpet.

Remembered those days where I flipped tables over.

Where he threw fucking books at me.

The pain hurt now more than ever just reminiscing about 'em.

"We did."

He grinned. Though it wasn't really something that depicted 'happy' to me.

"Hm, I figured as much."

"What makes ya say that?"

He looked at me.

Smiled to the extent that the corners of his eyes crinkled.

"Because I remembered parts of the accident and what happened before that…"

My eyebrows rose.

_Heart palpitated._

"Do you remember the reason?" I asked.

I swallowed again.

The biggest ball of spit I had ever swallowed in my time of fucking existence.

"It was vague, but… I think it was because…" He situated his finger on his chin.

Screwed his eyebrows together.

"We grew apart, and I wanted something more…"

I looked down at our joined bodies.

And I wanted to stab myself.

Multiples and multiples of times_._

_I never knew that._

Not one single clue.

"Hmph…" I laid my head back onto the soft pillows.

Where he probably slept the nights before.

"I never knew that…" I admitted.

His eyes grew large.

He looked away.

Blushed again.

_Harder._

"Didn't I ever tell you?" He cocked his head to the side.

I smiled.

"I'm sure you would've eventually. But I just don't think I ever gave you that chance…" He looked at me with confusion. _Guess he forgot that one piece of information. _"I always drunk and smoked my sorrows away; never really thought there was another solution to nothin'."

_When all I probably needed was you._

He examined me more.

Stared with those analytic eyes.

_And for once, I wanted him to uncover me just a little bit. _

_For once, I thanked whatever God was out there that he had this ability._

"I think you've changed, Grimmjow… You've changed a lot."

I smiled at him.

"How would you know how much I've changed?" I challenged him.

He laughed.

"It's not that hard to tell when you see a person undergoing a metamorphosis."

"What the hell am I now? A fuckin' butterfly?" I joked.

He giggled into his hand.

"No, I mean that the person you were before… I can't see it."

I looked down.

Looked at my hand wrapped around his body.

_Deep down, I knew I was probably still the same._

"I don't see it."

He smiled at me.

"I think once someone's thought about changing, they've already begun the transformation."

I chuckled.

"'the fuck? Did you steal that from a movie or book or what?"

"No! It's true!" he protested.

I ruffled his hair.

"Got other questions?"

He nodded. Thought once more.

Then he blushed. "Um…"

"What?"

He pondered it some more.

Then he shook his head.

"What?" I asked again.

"No, no! It's nothing. It-it's not really good question."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

He looked away.

He bit his lip.

"Were you… my first?" he asked timidly.

I gazed at him.

Perplexed.

Him, flustered.

He sat up. Turned away from me. Goose bumps marred his skin. His neck red all to the way to his ears.

I sat up myself.

Scratched at my hair.

"You really wanna know?"

He bristled. "Maybe… I don't know…" I knew he was pouting without even turning him around to face me.

I smiled to myself.

"Yeah… pretty much on everything."

He bowed his head even lower; embarrassed.

"Didn't I ever like, do _it_ with anybody else?"

I laughed heartily. He glared immediately.

"Nah. I bet your little boy-scout self back then barely had experience with sex!"

He flushed an even more scarlet red.

"What the hell! I bet you I _did _have sex with other people before you came along," he fought.

I laughed even more.

"HAH! Even if you did, you still acted like a virgin."

Guess his face got so hot he hid it in his hands.

"Shut up about it, already! I never should've asked, you bastard!"

I chuckled. Messed with his hair.

"Ya know... I would be more upset if I knew I wasn't the only one."

He slowly eased his hands away from him.

Stared at me.

"Why?"

I stared at his lips.

He moistened them with his tongue.

"Because…"

He stared into my eyes. Then down to my lips.

"You were always mine to begin with…"

He saw my approaching figure.

Gradually eased himself onto the covers, my body looming above his.

His orange hair splayed everywhere, my blue locks flowing down towards his face.

_He wasn't stopping me._

He closed his eyes.

Lips a hairsbreadth away from my own.

"Hey, if you two don't hurry out, you'll miss the fireworks!"

Ichigo shoved me away, quickly trying to assort his clothes.

Renji knocked behind the damn door, shouting his fire-engine head off.

_I fucking hate him._

_I hate him more than he knows._

"C-coming, R-Renji!"

Ichigo swiftly dressed himself, eye contact definitely not on his to-do list.

Just as he reached for the door knob, I stood up.

Made my way over to him.

And hugged him from the back.

Savored the feel of his hot skin on mine.

"_I think once it's out of the way, you can stop focusing on the past memories, and focus on making new ones."_

"Let's go on a date. Just one."

He stiffened in my arms.

My heart stilled, too.

I heard him swallow his saliva.

"… Okay."

And I let him go.

Smiled.

He ran out of that room.

Like he was about to run a marathon.

**XXXX**

The night went on fast.

Yet slow.

We stood outside.

Stared at those fireworks.

The ones that reminded me of Christmas night.

And how it was only the two of us.

But now, all o' those bastards gathered 'round us.

Left us no room together.

But, he agreed to the date.

And it gave me hope.

Eventually, the fireworks died down, and everyone gathered back inside.

Yoruichi drank the most out of anyone.

Renji just looked miserable looking at her.

Jinta had his girlfriend come over.

That Ururu girl.

Never really saw that coming.

And Ichigo was smiling.

_He was smiling the whole time._

He wanted to walk me home.

It saddened me to know that he wanted to stay at Renji's for a while.

But I gave him the space.

I think I needed it too.

To sort all my thoughts.

The night air was chilly.

Trees were frozen.

Along with the grass.

_I briefly wondered if the moonlight was stuck too._

"Thanks. For invitin' me," I thanked.

He shook his head.

"It was nothing."

Our feet crushed against the pavement.

The wind continued the tick of time.

"When's our… date, gonna be?" He turned his head away from me.

I smiled. _Guess I wasn't the only one thinkin' 'bout it._

"Next week. Monday. That all right?"

He nodded his head.

I cleared my throat.

He switched his gaze to the sidewalk.

"Uh, I never got to ask you, but, uh… Have you been staying at Renji's house the entire time?"

He grinned. "Yeah. Guess I kinda ran away, huh?"

"Hmph, I guess you kinda did."

"Sorry," he apologized.

"Stop sayin' sorry. No blood, no foul." He smiled.

"Yeah, I guess."

My apartment was showing up on the horizon.

Not far ahead.

And my heart was beginning to slow again.

The painful kind of slow.

I sucked in the freezing air.

Barely rejuvenated my lungs.

"Well, I guess I'll see you next week." I stuffed my hands into my pockets. Blew out what kind of oxygen I swallowed in.

"Yeah… I will," he promised with a small smile.

I shifted to my other foot.

Cleared my throat.

"When do you think you'll come back here?"

My voice betrayed what I felt inside.

He sighed. Stared at the moon behind me.

"I think I just need time. I think if I stay here… I won't be able to gauge out what I really feel for you. I can't stay blind for long, Grimmjow."

I stared into his cinnamon eyes.

The eyes that pleaded for me to stay.

Pleaded for me to chase after him.

Pleaded for me to love him.

"Yeah… I know."

He smiled again.

I saw a lot of that tonight.

And it was finally directed at me.

"Thanks for understanding, Grimmjow."

He rose on his tippy-toes. Placed his soft lips against my cold cheek.

_If he moved just one inch to the left, he would've reached my lips._

But, I guess for now…

The cheek would do.

**XXXX**

_January 3_

_6 P.M._

_I haven't been angry in awhile._

_Just been calm._

_Wonder if I still need this class, Starrk!_

I chuckled to myself.

He'd get a kick outta that.

"All right. I'm tired, which means ya lot better be done."

I shook my head at that.

_When was he ever not tired?_

But nonetheless, I took it up to him.

"Grimm, you stay."

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Why? We're gonna be late."

My other classmates stared with suspicion.

Nosy bitches.

Toshiro just walked out without a glance back.

The usual bratty attitude.

"Nah, it won't take long."

He dug a cigarette packet from his pocket.

Lit it.

I was sure he knew the 'no-smoking' policy.

But this man didn't give a fuck.

I don't really think he ever did.

"What's making ya so happy-go-lucky? Have sex?"

He blew out a breath of smoke.

"Nah, what makes ya say that?"

He rolled the cigarette around in between his teeth.

"The happiness is oozing outta ya…"

I scoffed.

"Happiness? When did I ever exude shit like that?"

"Since a while. Look, kid. Why do ya gotta deny that yer happy? Is it that foreign to you?"

I didn't answer him. Just shrugged.

He sighed with smoke.

"I admit, it's new and kinda freaky when happiness is put in the same context with you, but you gotta stop flicking your middle finger to the world. No one'll judge ya. They only will if you keep up with that cold exterior of yours." He pointed at me with the cancer stick in hand.

I chuckled.

"Fine, fine. I'm just going out on a date with Ichigo tomorrow. I'm kinda happy about that."

"That's the spirit, boy. Keep it up." He continued to smoke.

Never offered me one.

Wise man.

He leaned against his desk. Blew out a puff of smoke.

"How far will you fall till you hit the ground?"

I had a vague feeling that his question was rhetorical.

But I answered anyway.

"Till you crash and bleed."

"And what happens, then?" he asked me.

"It's either you stand back up, or wait for someone to pick ya up."

"Which one would you be?" He stared at his cigarette.

"With Ichigo… it's both."

* * *

**DONE! O-O Well, next chappie is le date ;) Ready for it? 'Cause I am XD See you guys next time :D and please, review?**


	11. Chapter 11: Light

**Author's Note: I know, I'm lagging in updates :( Tis school to blame :x**

**Thank-Yous: **AmbieLovina**/**Lionel**/**Loreto W**/**XDARKERXDESIREX**/**ShadowsOfPenAndPaper**/**OchibiOtaku**/**XXanime .manga-it-calls-meXX**/**Mayuzu**/**x615Butterlyx**/**JGranger21**/**PanteraFang**/**azul renge**/**Dark. Heart. Saraa

**I appreciate everyone's feedback :) So please don't be shy, and say something ^-^**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 11: Light]**

* * *

"Grimmjow."

I turned around.

He was frowning. Eyes barely able to be seen through his bush of bangs.

"What is it?" I asked.

He stood still. Hands into fists.

"I…" he began. He sucked in a breath.

Let it out.

"I… I love you…"

His words echoed.

Echoed and echoed.

He looked up at me.

Expectant.

Eyes full of fear.

Yet, still hoping.

_Say it back…_

"I don't feel the same, Ichigo. You know that."

_Why'd I say that?_

That wasn't what I had planned to say.

_Thatwasn't. Thatwasn't. Thatwasn't._

He looked down at the wood floorboards.

Tears dropped onto his feet and my own.

And it was like beating drums every time it splashed.

He was shaking.

Sobbing now.

_What do I do?_

_Say it back…_

I turned around.

He wept.

_Say it back, Grimmjow…_

He sniffed.

Stopped crying.

Because he knew I wasn't going to comfort him.

_This image was breaking me apart._

"Grimmjow…" he called.

I looked at him.

His eyes were empty.

Devoid of emotion.

Devoid of color.

"_Why didn't you say it back?"_

It echoed.

**XXXX**

I opened my eyes.

Shook my head out of it.

Heard the beeping of my phone, and smashed my fist onto it.

It shut up.

I breathed heavily.

Checked my surroundings.

I was at home.

It was a Monday.

January 4.

Whatever I had just seen wasn't real.

It was just a dream.

A nightmare.

Or rather, a _memory._

I scratched at my head.

Rubbed at my tired eyes.

It felt real.

I was reliving a day I wanted to redo.

But a day that could never be undone.

I sighed.

Stood to my feet.

Guess it really was a bad idea to celebrate with Starrk last night.

He gave me the night off; excused me from anger management class.

I owed that guy.

It was 12:15.

About an hour before I had to meet Ichigo in Downtown Karakura.

I showered.

Got dressed into something comfortable, yet stylish.

It was a date, after all.

My supposed first date with Ichigo.

**XXXX**

I'd have liked to say I was the one waiting for him.

But I wasn't.

He had been waiting for about two hours.

Been here since eleven, he had said.

I explained it to him in detail.

I had a hard time finding my wallet.

Wasn't a lie.

Straight-up truth.

He decided to forgive me.

Said it showed on my face how frustrated I looked.

It was one o'clock.

Luckily, the wind was cold, so the Sun's rays weren't as deadly.

We just walked.

Walked and walked in silence.

This quietness gnawed at me.

Nearly made me go insane.

_Think o' something. Any topic. _

_Any subject._

_Just SOMETHING._

"There's this new amusement park I've been hearing about. Jinta keeps talking about it… so…." he suggested.

I smiled.

Exhaled a sigh of relief inwardly.

"Sure. We can go there if you want."

He beamed at my consent.

"You don't mind, do you?"

I shook my head. "Nah."

He smiled even more.

Seemed to have a skip in his step all the way there.

The place was fairly packed.

After all, it was new.

We paid for our tickets.

Ichigo bounded inside.

If you just glanced over, you'd think I was babysitting a child.

I found myself smiling at the prospect.

"Whoa, look at all the rides, Grimmjow…"

I stuffed my hands into my pockets.

I let him wander around.

Me, following.

He was amusing me, to say the least.

Every game his eyes landed on, he played.

It wasn't till his fourth game that he invited me over.

"No thanks. Basketball's not ma thing," I objected politely.

He just grinned.

"Oh, you're chickening out already?"

Of course, he goaded me into it.

My pride wouldn't withstand this.

We shot the best we could.

And I ended up winning in the end.

He pouted, but got over it once I lent him a stuffed panther.

The child.

Eventually, we rode rides.

Then we played more games.

Rode rides.

Screamed to our hearts' content.

And played more games till all we had of our money was ten dollars each.

Before the afternoon hit, we got in line for the Ferris wheel.

He saved this one the best for last.

We got onboard.

The machine men lifted us into the air.

We were so high up.

The sun was setting to our right.

The orange shined on his sun-kissed skin.

His tangerine hair.

His caramel eyes.

And for a moment I thought, _he was beautiful._

He held the stuffed panther in his delicate hands.

Squeezed it every now and then.

He inhaled.

Exhaled.

Turned to look at me.

"Thanks for taking me out, Grimmjow," he appreciated.

I grinned. "Thanks for coming," I said in kind.

He leaned against the seat.

Supported his head against the glass window behind him.

"Did we used to go to stuff like this? Because if we did… I think I see why I may have fallen for you…"

My heart skipped a beat.

Rocked.

Slowly in my chest.

I brought my cerulean eyes to my intertwined hands.

_No… we rarely did anything like this._

My fingers tightened around the other.

Even the thoughts bathed me in shame.

That I ever took someone as wonderful as Ichigo for granted.

That he had loved me with all the fiber of his being; to confess to me even though he knew the answer…

To love me despite that…

To sacrifice himself because of how strong his feelings were…

_I wanted to tell him how each time I woke up, he was the first I ever thought of._

_That he would be in my dreams and my reality._

_That he was all that I ever needed…_

_And all that I ever wanted._

I wanted to tell him all of that.

But not yet.

Not right now.

I felt the shifting of the cart beneath my body.

The ride began to move towards the ground again.

And I found myself wanting to just stay up in the clouds.

Even for just a bit longer.

Then I felt the first fingers.

The first fingertips touch my own.

He timidly wrapped his hand around mine.

And I felt the warmth of it.

The softness.

I looked at it.

At us.

And I wondered, _how had he ever fallen for someone like me?_

I hesitantly responded to his hand on mine.

And almost instantly, he blushed.

I smiled.

The ride shook uncontrollably; it stopped abruptly as easily as it moved.

We got off like the rest of the people on the ride.

And the Sun was barely able to be made out through the clouds by the time we did.

Everyone on ground level was much more relaxed.

Tired.

Including us.

We exited the amusement park, and envied the footsteps we left behind.

It would stay there. Where we left our marks in that place.

While we would move on to someplace else.

I could only hope that the memories would embed itself into my mind.

So that I couldn't ever forget how happy I felt tonight.

His hand left mine minutes ago.

Many minutes ago.

And it felt cold.

Like it was missing something.

I fought the urge to wrap my hand around his again.

Fought it hard.

This was all about Ichigo.

Not me.

We were in Downtown Karakura now.

7:06.

He stopped.

I stopped.

He sighed.

"Thank you again, Grimmjow. You don't have to walk me all the way home. Your apartment's closer here," he reminded.

I stood there. Speechless.

Wanting to keep the night going.

_Wanting him to come back home with me…_

"Why don't I take you out for dinner?"

He blinked at me. Hugged the panther close to him.

"It's the least I can do for you."

I sweated.

Awaited his inevitable answer.

"… Sure."

I breathed.

Felt my muscles loosen.

"Where would you like to eat?" he questioned.

I grinned.

"Let's go to the bar I work at. We'll get a discount there."

He nodded to the idea.

And we were both on our way there.

**XXXX**

The bell dinged above our heads.

Halibel looked in our direction behind the counter.

"Oh, Grimmjow. Nice seeing you on your day off."

I cracked a grin.

"Heh, we're kinda having money troubles, so I thought it best that we eat here." She nodded in understanding.

"Sit anywhere. It's a slow night." She gestured around her, and indeed, a few dots of people were here.

Practically empty.

"Come on. The back is the best." I cocked my head towards the back tables, jazz music playing softly in the background.

We sat ourselves down.

Got comfortable.

Then got silent.

I played a beat with my fingers over the table.

He hugged the panther as if it were his lifeline.

I listened to the jazz.

The small chatter of the people.

The clock's ticks.

The sound of his seat squeaking every time he shifted to find that perfect position.

"S-sorry, am I making this awkward?" he suddenly asked.

I blinked a few times.

Processed the words.

Laughed.

"No, you're fine." He didn't seem convinced.

He stood to his feet.

I watched him move languidly over to my side.

Sat himself down.

Blushed again.

"Ichigo?" I inquired.

"I figured that if I moved here, maybe it'd be less uncomfortable."

I scoffed.

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

He looked away. Jutted out his lips in a sort of pout. "Because I feel safer… when I'm next… to you…"

He looked away.

Crushed the panther against his chest.

I ruffled through his fine hairs.

He scowled.

"I'm not a damn kid." He swatted at my hand.

I grinned again.

We grew silent once more.

But this time, it wasn't uncomfortable.

Gradually, he began to lose his bashfulness.

Summoned the courage to look at me.

He stared into my eyes, switching back and forth to the other.

He came closer.

"… You have really dark eyes," he commented.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he confirmed.

"Hmph, well you have really bright ones…"

This time he didn't blush.

Just stared.

Stayed still.

Eyes locked on mine.

Then moved down to my lips.

"Grimmjow, I…" he trailed off.

Still stared at my approaching lips.

He leaned in with me.

"Sorry. There were some mishaps in the kitchen!" A bob of sea-green hair came into view.

Ichigo jolted away from me. Turned away, stuffed toy in hand.

I cursed inwardly.

_Why the fuck does this always happen?_

_Won't the fucking universe just gimme a FUCKING BREAK?_

"I'm so sorry, Grimmjow-san," Nel apologized, placing menus in front of us.

I waved the matter away. "It's nothin'," I disregarded.

She cleared her throat. "Um, what would you like to drink, gentlemen?" she asked.

"W-water," Ichigo answered.

Nel looked at me.

"Water too," I echoed.

She bowed once more, before rushing into the kitchen.

I cracked my knuckles.

Ichigo buried his head in the menu.

It was on my seventh finger that she came running back with our drinks.

"Sorry for the delay. But what would you two men like to eat? Any appetizers?"

Ichigo straightened on his seat.

Cleared his perfectly clear throat.

"I'll just get tonkatsu," he ordered.

I quirked my lips to the side. "Ootoro for me. Eight pieces."

She nodded in understanding, writing it all in her sketch pad.

"It'll be right out."

The awkwardness was back full-force.

But eventually, it rid of itself as fast as it came.

The food was served.

We ate in peace.

And I think that was what we needed the entire time.

_Peace._

**XXXX**

The night was dark.

But the moon countered it.

The stars helped a bit.

He sighed, the air fogging up in front of him.

It was getting cold again.

Damn winter.

He blew into his hands.

And I saw how much he was beginning to freeze.

He shivered.

I saw it.

He embraced the panther harder by his side to keep his mind off the cold.

Thinking it over approximately ten times in my head, I reached out for him.

And tucked him to my side.

"Grimm?" he asked.

"You were freezing," I answered in an instant.

The lights from nearby lamp posts weren't bright enough to be warm.

He stared up at me in puzzlement.

But in the end, he conceded, and let me hold him.

We alternated warmth to the other.

And even though it was a short walk from the bar, I still felt glad.

Glad that I was able to spend time with him.

_Though everything I ever did to him never should've earned me his second chances…_

Before I knew it… we were in front of Renji's house.

The brightness of the house nearly burned my eyes out.

He looked up at me.

Sighed.

And it sounded like something content.

I smiled at him.

And I saw him beneath the moonlight.

And I found myself thinking that either with the sun or moon, he looked beautiful in any light.

"Thank you… I had an amazing time."

I smiled. Noticed that the panther was dangling on his fingertips now.

"It was no problem."

And it was that look in his eyes.

He didn't look like he wanted to go either.

I flicked my eyes onto his lips.

Knew that if I made a move on him, something would interrupt us again.

It always did.

And the thought alone made me melancholy.

But the urge was so strong.

_So strong._

It would be so easy just to aim for his lips.

To swoop in.

And sweep him off his feet.

_Could it be that easy?_

"Well, good night…" he finally said.

He reached for the door.

With his cold hand.

"Ichigo!" I blurted out.

He glanced at me.

Shaken a bit.

"Can I- can I ki-"

And he was here.

In my arms.

He enveloped me with his warmth, his arms surrounding my neck, and bringing me closer to his height.

Our lips, melting away any ice that flittered close by.

It was heart stopping.

It was…

_Everything that I ever wanted to feel._

His lips were soft. Wet. Tongue pushed back into its cavern with my own.

Fingers threaded through my teal locks.

Hands created circles on his back.

He melded his body with mine.

Moaned to show how much this was affecting him.

And when we ran out of breath, he inched away from me.

Just slightly.

And we locked foreheads.

Looked each other in the eyes.

And knew it wasn't a mistake.

* * *

**Guys, I'm working on Grimmjow's honesty level. Because in the beginning, he wouldn't admit the smallest amount of sentimentality. But now, he's beginning to change on behalf of Ichigo. And on behalf of himself. I apologize to anyone who thinks this may be going fast on the love train XD If you think it is, please do tell me :( I will try to slow it down for you so all of ya'll aren't overwhelmed from fluff overload XD**


	12. Chapter 12: Smile

**Author's Note: I'm a cheater, I admit it T_T I do this story more than my other one because it's so much easier to write o-o *gets ready for pitch forks and knives***

**Thank-Woos: **Lionel**/**azul renge**/**Loreto W**/**JGranger21**/**Rainb0wNinja**/**Mayuzu**/**XDARKERXDESIREX**/**OchibiOtaku**/**ougley**/**XXanime. Manga-it-calls-meXX/sound effect guy**/**Guest**/** .Saraa**/**x615Butterflyx**/**Hollow Ichigo-Ichigo**/**AmbieLovina**/**IILesGeMeAuxII**/**ShadowsOfPenAndPaper**/**Guest**/**Nekokratik

**WHOA, you guys o-o That's the most I've ever had in reviews in my entire writing existence :'( Thank you guys, you're too kind to me. You're too kind to this STORY. Bless your souls :)**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 12: Smile]**

* * *

He smiled.

Giggled a bit.

And I couldn't help but return it.

"S-sorry, I think I got a bit carried away…" he apologized.

He blushed with intensity.

His smile so bright it countered the moonlight.

"No, I…" He looked at me with expectancy. "I've been wanting to do that to you for a while now…"

He fiddled with his fingers.

Smiled up at me again.

And my heart warmed.

_He was finally smiling at me._

_For _me.

"Thanks for tonight, again… It made me feel…"

He pondered for a word.

Wracked his mind for anything to describe what he experienced with me.

"It made everything feel so natural," he finished.

His eyes twinkled with something I couldn't quite define.

It was the first time I'd ever seen that expression in those eyes.

"Hmph…" I smiled to myself.

Covered my cheeks, coloring a bright red.

"That's funny 'cause… I felt like I was doing something right for once…"

He blinked up at me.

Snow fell around us like an iridescent box.

And he glanced down at his feet, and _really _smiled.

Teeth displayed.

Eyes crinkled at the corners with gladness.

"Good night, Grimmjow…"

He squeezed my hands a final time, before releasing me and turning the knob.

He looked at me one more time.

And I knew that from now on, my feelings were only getting stronger.

And that I wanted him to reciprocate that.

**XXXX**

"_Grimmjow, what's up with you tonight?" _

I looked at him, and I could see the plain skepticism on his face.

He felt my forehead, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"_Damn, Grimmjow. Go lie down; I'll give you some medicine in a sec." _

I collapsed onto the couch, and watched as he zipped into the kitchen.

He came toddling back, feeding me the spoon, and I could see the worry etched on his angelic features.

I combed through some of his orange spikes, and I could make out the surprise displayed in his eyes.

I stroked his cheek, and he leaned into the touch.

"_Really, what's up with you, Grimmjow? Is it the fever?"_

I could tell that tears were about to spring in his eyes.

And through that, I could probe into his thoughts.

He rarely saw me so affectionate…

And he thought the cause of my soft gestures was because of the sickness…

_Why couldn't he just show me this side of him every day?_

_Why does a measly fever have to occur to make him act this way towards me?_

_Why can't he love me as much as I love him?_

The thoughts were so easy to see in those warm, brown eyes, now turning muddy and weeping tears.

I guided his face towards me, and his breaths quickened.

And our lips melded.

And I could hear his heart beat like a siren.

_Please love me…_

And as he sat on top of my lap, and I rolled us over, it was made clear…

_This was all he had ever wanted from me…_

My reciprocation.

And if it was only through a fever, why couldn't he have it?

_Why shouldn't he?_

And as I began to enter him, his lips screamed anticipation, his fingers trembling against my skin, and his eyes speaking of love in its purest form.

If only I had seen it then.

If only I had _felt _it.

"_Grimmjow… Hah…"_

**XXXX**

I opened my eyes.

I heard the incessant banging on my door.

It took me a few seconds to react.

Blinked.

Noticed that I was in my room, and that everything I had just felt was a memory of the past…

I sighed; scratched at my unruly hair.

Snatched the blanket off of my lower body, and the stain was made clear on my boxers.

_Damn it all!_

_Am I some teen or somethin'?_

_Having a wet dream at this age?_

The banging on the door brought me back to reality.

"I'm coming! Fuck…" I hissed beneath my breath.

I tugged on a random dresser drawer, tucking some jeans in to my arm, and discarding my dirtied boxers.

After tugging on the jeans, I briskly walked to the door, prepared to shoot this person into oblivion with my words alone.

But when I saw him, my words immediately halted themselves.

He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow, his expression suddenly molding into confusion, astonishment, and then bashfulness.

"I-I didn't know you lived here, Grimmjow," he explained.

I scratched at my hair in frustration.

"What're ya doin' here, kid?"

He turned a nasty glare onto me.

"I'm not a kid, so you can cut the old-man act _now_," he warned.

I smiled. Mussed his white hair.

"I'm just messing with'cha. Now what brings ya here, Toshiro? You ain't stalkin' me now, are ya?" I teased.

"No!" he protested. "I-I was just wondering if you'd ever seen this dog…"

Now that it came to my attention, he had a flyer in his hand, which I snatched out of his hands.

He immediately tried to steal it back.

"Grimmjow, what the hell!"

I scrutinized the picture. It looked like a Japanese Akita; huge as hell, too.

The fur was a mixture of orange-red on the top, and white throughout its front-side.

Its beady, yellow eyes stared at me with this certain intimidating glance.

"So this is your dog?" I handed him the flyer, which he willingly seized from my fingers.

He nodded his head, and for once, I actually saw a sad child, though I knew he was trying to hide it.

"I'm asking around the neighborhood if they saw him, but so far no one has…"

He looked completely devastated, and as much as he'd like to act as adult-like as he'd wanted, his childish characteristics were peaking through.

"… Wanna come inside for now? I can give ya somethin' to drink."

The kid looked like he was gonna pass out any moment.

And I was left wondering how long he had been searching for this dog.

He nodded his consent, and stepped into the house, toeing off his shoes.

He didn't seem to particularly care for the furniture or make-up of the apartment, and for that I was grateful.

I fetched him some lemonade, and he willingly accepted.

The more I kept looking at him, the more I saw how depressed he was.

It was a shocker when I usually saw him so lively with anger, or more emotionless than a brick.

I felt the room get stuffy with silence, and I knew sure as hell he wasn't going to interrupt it.

I cleared my throat.

"What's yer dog's name?"

He glanced up at me, quite surprised.

But the surprise quickly reverted back to depression.

"Sajin," he answered with a bite of attitude back in his tone.

I nodded in understanding.

"How long have you had him?"

He seemed to hesitate before answering with, "Eleven years."

After that, it was silent again.

He spun the empty cup in his hand.

My eyes kept darting back to the clock, avoiding the awkwardness that was him.

"You live alone?" he asked suddenly.

I grinned. "Is it obvious?"

"Well, we're the only ones here." He rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms.

"Why ya gotta have an attitude every time you speak?"

"This is how I normally speak."

"I bet yer sister wouldn't approve of it," I smiled.

And for a moment, I half-expected him to retaliate even more.

But he didn't.

He just sat there.

As if I just announced that a serial killer was targeting him next.

And then that masked face of his returned.

"She doesn't care…"

I saw his jaw clench.

His fingers tucking inside the palms.

Abruptly, the tension in the air dissipated when a soft knocking at the door sounded.

Both of us stiffened from the sudden intrusion, my feet striding me over to the door.

When I saw him, it brought an immediate smile on my face.

"Ichigo, what are you doing here?"

He smiled at me, lifting bento in his hands.

"Yoruichi had brought some bento to Renji's house. It turned out there was more than everyone could eat, so I thought to bring some…"

I grinned at the prospect that he came all this way just to share food with me.

Abruptly, my smile faded when I heard a clearing of a throat behind me.

Ichigo and I steered our eyes behind me, zeroing in on Toshiro.

"Um, did I come at a bad time?" Ichigo questioned timidly.

"No, I was just leaving," and with that, the white-haired prodigy jumped off of the stool, shoving Ichigo aside with a smoldering side-glare at me.

Ichigo and I watched him march off down the sidewalk, baffled as all hell.

"Uh… Who was that?" he inquired. I ran fingers through my hair.

"Just a kid from anger management class; we had lunch one time together."

"Aaah…" Ichigo picked his shoes off; strode into the kitchen.

Laid the bento over the counter, beginning to open and present what was inside.

And then I noticed it.

I didn't want anything to fill the silence.

_It was just me and him._

"Here, Grimm," he offered, pushing the food towards me.

I smiled in return, poking my chopsticks into the food.

We laughed at a few things.

How the house remained the same after all these weeks.

How I've gotten even tidier without him.

"I think I've underestimated you all this time," he complimented.

I bumped shoulders with him.

"It ain't that bad."

He smiled again, laying the chopsticks atop the bento and saying his graces.

"Gimme yours, Grimm. I'll take it back to Renji's later…" he trailed off. "What's this?"

He picked up a random piece of paper on the counter, and when I examined it, my eyebrows rose.

"Toshiro forgot to take the flyer with him."

"He lost his dog?" Ichigo asked.

My silence answered for him. He continued to stare at the picture.

"It's huge," he commented.

I couldn't agree more.

"Why don't we try finding it?"

He looked up at me; as if he were surprised I'd actually suggested it.

"What?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Nothing, I just…" The corners of his lips rose. "Yeah, let's go find it."

**XXXX**

After I had showered and changed, Ichigo and I had exited the apartment, flyer in hand.

We asked pedestrians, random people, neighbors, people we somehow knew.

Just anyone.

And on the way, we collected some posters of Sajin taped to random store walls and cafes.

Probably all posted by Toshiro.

And I wondered yet again if he did this all by himself.

"_She doesn't care…"_

I frowned at the melancholic voice he used.

All I knew for sure was that he had more to him than met the eye.

"Oh, I saw that dog somewhere near the café at the end of the street an hour ago. I'm sorry that I couldn't help out more," the bald man said.

Ichigo waved it away. "No, it's a big help. Thank you, sir." He bowed to show his respect, and the man was well on his way.

"Come on, Grimm. I have a feeling that we'll find Sajin soon." He tugged on my wrist, and for just one moment in a second, I felt my heart soar.

Ichigo searched around the café, asking many people eating, and many who passed by if they saw Sajin.

It was admirable, really.

Even though Toshiro had treated him like dirt, he was going to this extent.

It just went to show that Ichigo was a person who cared for the well-being of others.

_Particularly me…_

I clenched my fists; closed my eyes.

And it only worsened when I saw that image of him in my arms, bleeding the sacrifice he made…

_His memory…_

"Grimm, we should order something before we go. I'm kinda hungry," he broke through my reverie.

I blinked. "Ah, sure. I'll pay."

"No, that's all right. I got it; what do ya want?"

And after that, we began to search again.

Hours passed on like a tick of a clock, and the food was long gone from our hands, excluding that of Ichigo's sugar cookies.

Said that he felt like saving it for later.

By the time the clock struck five, I was drained of my zealous energy and ready to give up.

Ichigo on the other hand was still trying.

"Ichi, it's getting late, and I don't want you looking after the dog by yourself."

Ichigo poked his head from around a building's corner.

"No, it's okay, Grimm. I can keep looking if you need to go to anger management class," he insisted.

I hesitated. Shifted onto my other foot.

I wasn't comfortable with the idea of Ichigo looking 'round by himself.

He was a man who could take care of himself.

But… it still left me uneasy.

And then the thought entered my mind.

_I don't want to lose him again…_

Ichigo was smart; he knew when things would turn out for the worst.

But he was also overly generous.

And that didn't always equate to good.

"Ichi-"

"Grimmjow! Look!" I followed where his finger pointed, and spots of orange and white flooded my vision.

There was that damn dog.

It was digging into some trash, stuffing its head inside and licking all the grime.

My nose wrinkled.

I really was never fond of dogs.

"Oh!" Ichigo exclaimed, reaching into his back pocket, sugar cookies dropping excess sprinkles on the ground.

The dog whipped its head towards us.

Ichigo slowly offered it to the dog, and it was clearly interested in what he was holding.

"Come 'ere, boy… It's okay, we won't hurt you," Ichigo cooed.

The dog slowly approached us, tail slightly tucked between its legs.

"That's it… easy now…"

I watched the dog sniff at the cookies, examining it, Ichigo's eyes brightening and his smile broadening.

Abruptly, the smile was swiped off of his face when the dog lunged for the cookies, and began to gallop away from us.

"Damn it!" I cursed.

Ichigo and I began to run after the fucking dog, swerving and jumping over the garbage it left behind, and jostling some people in our way.

It was comical.

But not that comical.

I swore that once I caught that dog, I would wring its neck.

"Come back here, you dirty-ass mutt!" I growled.

Instantly, the dog veered around a corner, Ichigo and I having to stop for breath, and skidding on our feet.

"Come on, Grimmjow! We're so close…" Ichigo goaded, wheezing as he did.

I breathed heavily through my nose.

"I'm gonna kill that dog…" I vowed with intensity.

We begun to sprint again, and for a second, we thought we had lost it.

But, it was quite the opposite.

The mongrel was wagging its tail vigorously, behaved and poised, sitting on its hind legs, and tongue hanging on the side of its mouth.

"Oh, you're a good boy, aren't you? Yes, you are!"

I sighed with relief inside.

Nel was petting the damn thing, kneeling on her knees, and cooing to it like it was a fucking baby.

"Oh, Grimmjow-san, is this your dog?" she asked, standing to her feet. The dog followed her with his eyes.

"Nah, a kid I know owns this dog. We've been lookin' for it practically the whole day, and now we've finally caught it," I explained.

She giggled.

"Must've been hard work," she guessed.

"Hell of a lot of it," I glowered at the dog, and the dog did so in return.

She laughed again.

Eyes widened when she registered that Ichigo was there.

"Oh, well, hello! My name's Nel, what's yours?" She held out a hand in greeting, and Ichigo reluctantly reached for it.

"Hi, my name's Kurosaki Ichigo."

She smiled at him, and I expected the same for Ichigo, but I could tell the smile was forced.

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Well, I gotta run, Grimmjow-san, Kurosaki-kun. I still have to buy some tomatoes for the pasta I have to make tonight for Lilynette. Oh, and here's your dog." She tugged him by the collar, and the dog whined some.

I nearly kicked it, but held back.

Nel waved one last time, and disappeared around the next corner.

We looked at the dog for some time, and it looked guilty.

If I were Toshiro, I would back-hand it, but of course, it was just an animal.

It didn't know better.

We stopped by the pet store to buy it a leash, hooking it to its collar.

I studied it, seeing how the engraved name of 'Sajin' was carved into the metal, glinting in the setting sun.

Ichigo and I thought it best that I hold onto the leash for fear that it would start runnin' again.

We decided that I should keep it at the house and tell Toshiro 'bout it after anger management class.

And as we walked back to my apartment, I had to admit that today was eventful.

And that somehow, some way, I wanted to do something like this with Ichigo again…

I steered my eyes over to him.

He was being unusually quiet.

Ever since we retrieved the dog.

I bumped my shoulder against his.

"Got somethin' on your mind?"

He shook his head.

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Ya sure?"

He seemed to hesitate, and I could see his eyebrows bunching together in musing.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, because it _really_ isn't any big deal, but…" He bit his lip. "Who was that girl? The one we met?"

I was stunned.

I thought that _I_ did something wrong again.

But I just smiled in the end.

"That was Nel; I work with her at the bar."

"Y-yeah?" he asked.

I looked at him through the sides of my eyes.

He looked flustered; frustrated… and somewhat…

_Irritated…_

I grinned.

"She's pregnant, Ichigo." That seemed to reduce his annoyance, and he turned a questioning eye at me.

I ruffled his silky hair. "And even if she weren't…" I leaned in close to his ear, his blush reddening even more. "I only have my eyes on one person…"

He stood there, dumbfounded, as I continued to walk Sajin back to my apartment.

I wondered if I was too bold with that comment.

And before I began to sweat with paranoia, Ichigo grabbed onto my shoulder and spun me around.

"Y-you… you mean that?" he asked warily.

I smiled. "Yeah… I do."

He stared at his feet. Kept his arms hanging by his side.

And then looked up at me.

And rose on his toes to wrap his arms around my neck, and bring me down to his height.

And it was just like that dream.

Except it felt more amazing.

More powerful.

_More real._

And as Sajin began to pull at the leash, I ignored it, and focused solely on Ichigo's lips.

We separated for a moment, and our eyes stilled.

"Grimmjow…" he whispered against my lips. "I think… I like you…"

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN! What do you guys think will happen now? O-O Please review, and tell me what you think :D And don't worry, for anyone whose reading my other stories, YES, I WILL update them :P I just need time. Next weekend, a new update of Nine Lives will be put up (I hope so ^-^) It's all about time, you guys ;)**

**I'm really sorry if this chappie wasn't what you guys expected. I also apologize if it's on fluff overload o.o I felt that Grimm and Ichi needed to establish more of what they are, and what they are going to be :O And YES, Ichigo is VERY OOC e_e Please forgive me T_T I don't deny it. I suck at characterizing Ichigo in all and EVERY story of mine. I just see him as the type who's very shy :\ Ah, sorry for ranting XD I will stop now. **

**P.S., yes, that is Sajin Komamura ;) The dog, I mean XD I never see him in any story, so I thought to bring him here in my AU story XD **


	13. Chapter 13: Reflection

**Author's Note: I'm back! I'm so sorry I took forever in updating. I just got busy; no other reason but that :) I hope you guys understand :O My updates may be slower than usual. Please forgive me x.x**

**Thank-Woos: **XDARKERXDESIREX**/**Hullasinaatio**/**Loreto W**/** -it-calls-meXX**/**Mayuzu**/**Ashes2Ashes121**/**Lionel**/**x615Butterflyx**/**ShadowsOfPenAndPaper**/**Niniesan**/**IILesGeMeAuxII**/**Tammy Sakamoto**/**Anonymous**/**TIRN33

**Thank you to all of you! This story receives the most love out of anything I ever do XD Thank you!**

* * *

_**Watch Me Remember**_

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

**[Chapter 13: Reflection]**

* * *

I chuckled.

He just stared at me, somewhat confused; somewhat hurt.

I turned away from his soulful eyes.

Tugged on the leash around Sajin.

"Ichigo… you don't have to lie to make me feel better."

I scratched at my arm.

Scared to look his way.

Afraid that maybe… he _did _lie.

"Grimmjow… I wasn't lying…" he timidly informed.

My hand closed into a fist.

"Ichigo, just fucking stop it… I don't want you to lie to me." He remained silent. "I wanna earn it."

The wind picked at our hairs.

And still, the silence overtook anything else.

And then I felt him grab onto my arm.

He spun me around…

And he hit me.

Right under my jaw.

"Ow, fuck!" I cursed. "Ichi, what the-"

"Don't decide whether what I say is a lie or not! That's _my _decision!" He gripped onto my shirt; forced me to look into his eyes. "Look at me and tell me I'm lying! What the hell gives you the idea that I'm bluffing? Grimmjow, I like you! So take fucking responsibility, 'cause now you're gonna have to live with it!"

**XXXX**

After that, he had just blushed the entire way over to my apartment.

_He still has that stubbornness. _

It has been three weeks since that last conversation, and every time silence invades the atmosphere, my mind reverts back to that time.

Ichigo and I have been inseparable since then.

We haven't spoken about it since.

But each day that had wore on, I felt that we didn't need to talk about it much at all.

We were getting by with just the usual pastimes.

Simplicity.

And that in itself was the best thing about Ichigo.

He didn't like extravagant things.

_He just wanted…_

"Grimmjow-san!"

I looked up from wiping the glass cups.

"Ah, yeah?"

Nel crossed her arms, and shook her head.

"I've been calling you for a while now. What's with you, tonight?" she smiled.

"Hmph, nothing…" I turned away from her, knowing that my frown had dissipated.

And even without turning around, I could tell that she was smiling at me.

She had that ability like Ichigo.

She was able to see what a person felt as easy as just looking through glass.

I looked at the time.

Exactly twelve.

"Hey, Nel. I'll walk ya home."

After getting all our stuff, we were off into the night.

The chilliness was beginning to go away; turning over for spring.

And by February, Ichigo and I will have been going out for about a month or two.

It made me smile.

I guess it was better this way, instead of saying we were together for two years.

I'd rather have these two months than the years we had spent in sorrow and rejection.

"Hey, Grimmjow-san?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

She tucked her hands into her hoody.

"You've been really happy lately. Is it because of… you-know-who?" She raised an eyebrow teasingly.

I bumped shoulders with her.

"Heh, probably." She smiled up at me, and looked down at her protruding belly.

I blew out a breath of air.

I knew that she was gonna be a single mom.

And I also knew that she would be good at it.

But she was also only sixteen.

"So, when's the baby due?" I asked.

She grinned. "June 11," she chirped.

"Ya scared?"

She looked up at the sky.

Sighed.

But that smile still stayed.

"I don't think so." She puffed out her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I know it's gonna hurt… _really _hurt, but… When I think about all the time and effort I put into this, and how beautiful my baby will look when I finally hold her… I don't get scared anymore."

I think about that.

And I realize how brave this girl is.

How strong she is.

I ruffled her hair.

"Yer tougher than ya look, kid."

"Ah, Grimmjow-san! You're messing up my hair!" She quickly tried to fix it.

I laughed.

She smiled, and turned away, hands behind her back. "Grimmjow-san, you can go back home now. You don't need to worry about me. I'm pretty sure Ichigo-san is waiting for you, too."

I blinked. "No, he's fine, I can-"

"No, really, it's okay! I feel bad about making Ichigo-san wait, so please. I don't want to impose on your relationship."

When she insisted like that, I really couldn't say no.

I felt bad, but we were close to her house anyway.

So I walked back home.

**XXXX**

When I made it to the apartment, I saw that Nel was right.

Ichigo was sitting on the doorstep, blowing into his hands to catch warmth.

"Ichi, what're you doing out here? Get inside."

He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants.

"Oh, I was just waiting for you," he explained.

"Why out here, stupid?" I bonked him on the head.

He chuckled.

"Now get in, ya moron." I opened the door for the both of us, and when we felt the warmth hit us, we sighed in relief.

"Um, I made some hot chocolate, but I decided to wait for you to drink it with me." He quickly made to go to the kitchen, pouring some for the both of us from a steaming pot.

He comes by most of the time now.

And so, I decided to give him a spare key.

The key he used to have had mysteriously disappeared since the accident.

He placed a cup in front of me on the counter, and he swiftly sat himself beside me, sipping on the mug.

We just stayed like that.

Drinking some chocolate.

Simplicity.

Nowadays, silence was my friend, not my enemy.

It was funny how things turned around like that.

"You ever notice that we barely talk?" he asked. Traced a finger around the rim of the mug.

I gulped some more down. "Does it bother you?"

He smiled. Stared into his reflection. "No. Actually, it comforts me."

Again, the silence spoke for us both.

"Did we have silent moments like these back then, too?"

I looked down at my hands.

It wasn't the type of silence we had now.

No…

The silence that we had… it was painful.

_Lonely._

And to fill that void, we would just fuck each other.

I swallowed.

"Yeah… we had silent moments." I didn't want to tell him.

I just couldn't.

I rotated the cup in my hands. Over and over.

And stared at a reflection that remained the same throughout the years.

"Grimmjow…"

I reluctantly brought my eyes over to him.

And it surprised me.

Those eyes were concentrated.

Serious.

"… Can we have it back?" It was barely a whisper.

So softly spoken.

His eyes landed on mine. Coming closer. Eyelids shutting.

And I couldn't back away. Even if I wanted to.

His lips timidly connected with mine.

Testing.

He began to prod my lips apart with his tongue, and I allowed him to.

He hopped over to my seat, surrounding my hips; gripping my hair, tongues dancing, and eyes never wanting to open.

'Cause once they did, this would end.

And neither of us wanted that.

I created circles with my thumbs on his back, my hands gliding beneath his shirt.

He began to grind against me.

And it slowly begins to poison me…

Slowly… _slowly…_

"Grimm…"

And abruptly, I ended it.

Opened my eyes.

"Grimm?" he asked, a bit dazed.

We're both out of breath.

Lips a centimeter away.

And we could just go and pull through with it.

_But…_

"Ichigo, I don't want it back."

"Huh?" he questioned.

"I don't want us… to be the way we were. It's… Back then, we weren't like this," I confessed.

His eyebrows knitted together.

And I know I have to tell him everything before it's too late.

But… I want to see how he will take everything.

_If he will accept what I want to tell him…_

"What… do you mean?" he hesitantly asked.

He began to get off of my lap.

And my chest aches.

I swallowed again.

Hands slightly shaking.

"Ichigo… I forced myself on you years ago; I used you like an object, and I threw you aside…" I couldn't look at him. "I treated you like fucking trash!"

_Hate me… _

"I'm despicable. You don't deserve that. You're… you're too good, and I… You could've gone to college. You and your family could've still been in good terms… You… You could be living the life that you've always wanted."

I wanted him to hate me.

It was what a person like me deserves.

And when I looked at him, I couldn't tell what his expression is.

Because everything's blurry.

And once I felt the wetness on my cheeks, I knew what was happening…

And I know I'm pathetic…

I'm weak…

_The rain is falling hard._

_And the umbrella is slowly beginning to weather away._

But then I felt it.

His hand caressing my cheek. Wiping those tears as if they were never there in the first place.

"Someone who regrets and hurts so much over the past- they are the people who want to change. But Grimmjow… you don't need to worry about the past anymore because… you're already a new person."

And somehow, we're back to square one of our night.

Tongues intertwining.

Hands roaming.

And we collapse onto the bed.

His hands are entwined with my hair, and I love how he grips onto me like he doesn't ever want to let me go.

Like he doesn't want to stop.

And when we lose our breath, we stop momentarily and immediately ravage each other.

I realized that it has been way too long.

And that his taste had gotten much sweeter.

He threw my shirt at the other side of the room, and he guided my hands onto his bare chest.

My tongue trailed from his collarbone, up his neck, and to his ear.

And I paused. "I don't want to hurt you…"

He breathed against me. Undoes my belt.

"If you don't want to hurt me… then don't reject me."

His lips left scorching heat everywhere on my body, and the same effect happened to him.

I stroked him and he shudders from my touch, his fingers grasping the sheets.

And I see his eyes, and I can tell that he wants this as much as I do.

I see the lust.

I see myself reflected in them.

And I slowly take him inside my mouth, and he gasps; hands unconsciously entangling in my teal hair.

I prod his lips with my fingers, and he suckles on them for a while.

My hand traced his chest, abs, and his entrance.

He shivers, and the hairs on his arms rise.

I distracted him with my lips.

And I prepared him.

Starting with one, two, and then three.

And he begins to beg for me with his eyes.

His voice.

And his touch.

"Take a deep breath…" I instructed.

He did it.

And I entered him as gently as I could.

With every inch that I pushed inside, my control begins to waver.

His breaths are quick.

And I knew it hurt.

_But, I couldn't wait…_

I began to thrust.

And he bites his lip to ignore the pain.

I looked at his expressions.

And I realize that this is the first time I see how he really looks when I'm making love to him.

Pained, and then dawning with realization. That it isn't as painful as he had first thought.

And he begins to close his eyes.

Mouth wide agape with several moans and incoherent words.

His body arches back, and I know that he's close.

I sped up.

"… I… can't breathe…" he told me.

And when the time finally comes, he screams out for my name.

I gritted my teeth as I emptied myself inside him.

And the moment was perfect.

Gazing with eyes that spoke levels of passion.

And a face and body that I failed to ever treat with kindness.

It was that exact, perfect moment that I realized… _that I loved this man._

**XXXX**

Two months.

It was March.

And Ichigo had been living with me for the past few weeks.

He was slowly returning to his usual routine.

He even took up art classes.

As for me, Starrk ain't my teacher no more.

But he's still my boss.

I worked almost every night at the bar; worked in the daytime for Urahara.

And while I was doing that, Ichigo was searching for jobs everywhere.

Renji had begun to help him with his job-search, but so far, they hadn't found anything.

But even when all that was said and done, each night was filled with bliss and pleasure.

And each day that passed, I couldn't believe how far I'd come.

**XXXX**

The sunshine streamed through the blinds.

And I've come to actually like it.

_Probably because I woke up to Ichi every day._

I could hear him whipping up shit in the kitchen, and smiled.

Smelled the bacon.

And see that my body is bare beneath the blanket.

_Oh, yeah. We had sex this morning too._

I stood up, and don't bother putting on clothes.

S'not like he hadn't seen everything now.

And besides, it embarrassed him.

I saw him putting some eggs onto some plates, and snuck up behind him.

He jolted when I surround him with my arms, and nearly dropped the spatula.

"Grimm! Fuck, don't do that!"

I ignored him, and kissed his neck, and he stiffens.

"Ichi, I'm horny…"

"Again?" he shrieked.

"Come on…" I tried to persuade him, but I'm already carrying him towards the bed.

"Stop! I don't want to!" And I shut him up efficiently with my lips.

He begins to succumb to me.

And we are only interrupted with a few rings from my cell phone. "Grimm, aren't you going to get that?"

"Hmm, no, ignore it…"

He pushed at my shoulder. "Go get it. It's annoying."

I knew that the mood was effectively ruined, so I growl in displeasure, and lunge for it, all the while still trapping his body beneath mine. "Yeah?" I answered.

"Grimmjow, it's Starrk."

My eyebrows knotted together.

"Starrk? What's up?"

He was silent on the other end.

"Starrk?" I looked at the phone, and see that the phone call is still going. "Hello?"

"Grimm… it's Nel… she had a miscarriage."

* * *

**SHIT! Why does this happen? DX Ah, well, hopefully you guys aren't too mad o.o PLEASE REVIEW! And I'll see you guys soon again :D**


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